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"What'd you all order a dead guy for?"
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November 17 2006

Buffy could beat Bond says academic. "James Bond's sexism would keep him from recognizing just how smart and adept Buffy is. Plus, Buffy once killed a Goddess." The Evil Trio declined to comment on the article.

Who doesn't like that scene from Life Serial?

JONATHAN: Where're we going?
WARREN: To Final Jeopardy. Where Buffy's the one in jeopardy.
ANDREW: We are really super-villains now, like ... like Dr. No. (Jonathan grins)
WARREN: Yeah, back when Bond was Connery, and movies were decent.
JONATHAN: (scornful) Who remembers Connery? I mean, Roger Moore was smooth.
WARREN: You're insane. You're short, and you're insane.
ANDREW: I like Timothy Dalton!

Warren smacks Andrew upside the head.

WARREN: Don't make me pull over, okay?

Technically, Giles killed a goddess (and Connorr too, but that's another show). Not Buffy.
Technically, Giles killed a man who happened to sometimes be a goddess but true, either way it wasn't Buffy ;).

Buffy's a woman and Bond loves anything and everything to do with the female species.

Riiight. Arguably the film Bond is genuinely enamoured but I doubt the same can be said of the book character (or at least his relationships with women are much more complicated than just 'really digging them').

Near the end of 'Casino Royale' (the book) for instance Bond is contemplating settling down with Vesper and consoles himself that sex with her would never get dull because, since she's so self-possessed, she'd always hold something back. The way he puts it is their lovemaking would always have 'the sweet tang of rape'. Now there's a guy who loves women. Or, y'know, NOT.

(and Buffy's a frikkin superhero FFS, she'd kick Bond's arse all over the map. Though I did read somewhere - maybe in connection with the Wold-Newton alt-meta-reality - that Bond is actually a superhero, his power being the manipulation of luck, which could make it a more interesting contest)

[ edited by Saje on 2006-11-17 14:19 ]
and Bond loves anything and everything to do with the female species.

So now females and males are separate species?? Eeeeww. I'll take the AU with all shrimp over this!
Oh, and Giles did indeed kill Ben (wait, Giles is Glory??!!), but he would never have been able to if Buffy had not kicked Glory's lopsided ass all over the map first, thus seriously weakening Ben (Giles? Glory? Whomever!!) for the coup de grāce.

All right. That was so majorly silly (though nontheless true) that I needs must hie me off to slumberland post haste. If not sooner. Night all.
...well, Buffy has superpowers, so....
"Buffy could beat Bond says academic."

The reaction I just keep having everytime I read this headline is, "Well, DUH." and then "Buffy could beat just so many ways."

The discussion did make me think of souless Spike, however, so in this case maybe Bond would enjoy being...beaten. ;-)

[ edited by newcj on 2006-11-17 17:25 ]
Buffy has problems with killing humans. That's established with Faith. Bond is human, and has no qualms shooting another human. Therefore, Bond wins.
I wouldn't trust Buffy with an Aston Martin.

Though she did alright with a rocket launcher.
buffy would make james run and hide in a corner terrified (and since he isn't immortal he's got no chance in the charming way...)
but the real discussion: timothy dalton yay, roger moore, meh. And: I love Doug Petrie!
How do we know Bond isn't a demon?

Also, with the stake, and the slayage... well it would be the first time BOND was the one being staked/penetrated.

I know, I know...
Meark: If heroes who weren't willing to kill always lost by default to those who are willing to kill, we'd run out of heroes pretty damn fast.
Bond would win. Buffy quips before and during a fight. Bond does it after he's won. She'd be too busy trying to be witty, while he'd just finish the job.

Plus Xena would kick her butt too.

True Lady Brick. Batman does pretty well without killing as another f'rinstance.

To answer the real question this thread poses though:

1. Big Sean. Just no contest.
2. Pierce Brosnan/Timothy Dalton tied
3. Roger Moore (especially the early ones)
4. George Lazenby (wasn't bad, just not enough time to tell)
Now Batman could take down Buffy AND Bond at the same time.
Buffy has problems with killing humans. That's established with Faith. Bond is human, and has no qualms shooting another human. Therefore, Bond wins.

Yes, I agree. While Buffy was fighting with her inner demons, he'd pull a gun and plug her. Sad, but true.
Sorry, totally disagree - I rather object to the notion that Bond is a human. Something more akin to a scum monster - in which case Buffy hands down. Even if someone were to prove in some way that Bond is actually a human (I'm telling you scum or slime or words that I can't say here), I'm still thinking Buffy. He'd be too busy trying to figure out how to "stake" her, so she could definitely get the upper hand and kick his smarmy ass.
Don't academics have better things to do than figure out which fictional characters could beat each-other up? Like disproving the existence of vampires, for instance.

The argument is silly, anyway. There is no "true" answer to a fictional question, only a fictional one.
Plus Xena would kick her butt too.

You just inspired me to go seek out research material about this very important issue, so, y'know, thanks for that.

I'd really like to see Buffy and Xena team up to fight Bond. Or to fight anything, really - I'm not sure Bond is worthy of their mutual attention. It seems to me that the research material on this matter is surprisingly sparse. Would Buffy and Xena compare the symbolism of stakes vs. chakrams? Would Willow and Gabrielle develop an impressively subtextual friendship? The world needs to know.
I'm a little confused. Why so much Bond hate?
Because he's a British male.
Fair enough really. I for one have statistical proof that i'm 45% amoral so clearly at least some of us are at least partly evil.
You've got no idea how evil I can be. And I would go to great lengths to watch another Buffy Faith fight - together against anyone (e.g. Bond or even better Batman) or the two with a cat fight to the death - while a BuffyXena team-up leaves me cold as cucumber.
Giles, Spike and Wesley are British males too, Simon. One of them is even played by a Brit with a genuine British accent.
I loooove this thread. Proof positive, if we needed it, that the writers really knew their shit when they wrote the Trio, and Cavemen vs. Astronauts.

I'd so much rather watch Bond (the Sean Connery Bond) than read him, and I say this as a pathologically-obsessed reader who will read just about anything. I find book-Bond just completely unsympathetic...
All this talk of book Bond makes me want to go back and read a few of them again. It's been since high school or so.

As for movie Bond, even though Connery bests the bunch (Haven't seen Casino Royale yet), my favorite film is 'For Your Eyes Only' as it's the least gimmicky of the lot. Oh and it also has Carole Bouquet in it :)
Go see the new movie.

It is really good. I have never seen any of the other, but read the books(I loved them), so for my first movie I loved it. I may go back and see the others now.
Buffy would so kick his ass.
I find book-Bond just completely unsympathetic...

Yeah, he's very hard/impossible to like QG but the books work better, IMO, as a sort of character study of psychopathy (which looks like the direction they've taken the new film). In fairness though, book Bond is actually more human than film Bond. Unlike the movies (possibly until Brosnan) book Bond feels fear and pain and uncertainty and that (along with his almost neurotic attention to what he eats, drinks, smokes and wears) makes him seem real, if not exactly (or even approximately ;) a nice guy.

All this talk of book Bond makes me want to go back and read a few of them again. It's been since high school or so.

You should herb. I also first read a few of the books when I was a kid and re-reading them as an adult is, err, something of a revelation ;).
Oh, believe me, Saje, I've read them all - there's probably no such thing as a book series that I've started that I've not finished (though I'm sure I'll think of one later,) so I'm pretty familiar with both.

Book-Bond is more human, for sure -- just not a human I much care for -- though there certainly are moments. Connery-Bond is, of course, much less fully realized as a human being, yet likeable on a completely different level -- fantasy smooth guy. But I still have to blur/fuzz the whole picture a bit to get into him at all...

(And, man, do you know how hard I looked for book-quotes for Bond? The innertubes is awash in Bond movie-quotes, but the novels? Not so much...)
Ah, then forgive me for preaching to the choir (even if the choir in this case has gone off God a bit ;).

"A dry martini," he said. "One. In a deep champagne goblet."
"Oui, Monsieur."
"Just a moment. Three measures of Gordon's, one of vodka, half a measure of Kina Lillet. Shake it very well until it's ice-cold, then add a,large thin slice of lemon peel. Got it?"
"Gosh, that's certainly a drink,", said Leiter.
Bond laughed. "When I'm -- er -- concentrating." he explained, "I never have more than one drink before dinner. But I like that one to be large and very strong and very cold and very well-made..."

from 'Casino Royale' is about the only one I can find. Course, now that the film's out Google'll be awash with that and getting to the books will be even harder.

And yeah Connery is still the best so far, IMO, though even he wasn't exactly take home to Mum material (is it 'Dr No' where he starts strangling the woman with her own bikini to get information ? - they all kind of blur together after a while). Book Bond's not really a 'love him or hate him' character though, more a 'barely tolerate him or hate him' type ;).
Buffy wouldn't want to fight Bond (being human and all), but she could take him in a fight, hands down. Although if Bond got horny and made a pass at her, she may whip that ass. Or...she may have sex with him. She liked men and their toys (Riley). Being Bond, he would then not call her, and it would be Parker all over again.
Buffy could take Roger Moore Bond, George Lazenby Bond, and Daniel Craig Bond. Pierce Brosnan Bond would end in a tie. Timothy Dalton Bond and Sean Connery Bond could take her.
my favorite film is 'For Your Eyes Only' as it's the least gimmicky of the lot.
FYEO was on here last night and sorry herb but having not seen it for years I was amazed at how Austin Powers-ish it was. Lost count of the many times a baddie had Bond but but didn't just kill him there and then and opted for the "Lock him up in an overly elaborate and slow killing method and then walk away and assume it all went to plan" thing.
His Esprit anti theft device was exploding? Brilliant. Just brilliant. Hope you didn't leave anything important in there James. Or mind walking home.
Had to give up watching it half way through. Before I saw pidgons doing double takes watching a gondola-hovercraft drive by or similar.

Buffy could beat the living snot out of Bond. Any of them. The way she dealt with The Doc in The Gift. They'd be half way through a quip and they'd be gone without a second glance.

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