Dr. Horrible Poetry? - Dr. Horrible

I hope they post them somewhere, we can't see anyone's unless we're following them. :(

P.S. uptheapples: You don't need rhyming dictionary for haiku! Oh, wait, I mean horriku, of course. ;)

cabri | August 19, 07:36 CET

But it's certainly helpful for limericks.

uptheapples | August 19, 07:36 CET

Mine are horrible (pun intended), and this is bumming me out: I'm not clever enough for this.

Linnea1928 | August 19, 07:36 CET

You're entirely correct, uta, but I was offering you an out in case you can't track down your dictionary.

cabri | August 19, 07:40 CET

can you post without signing up to twitter?

JadeHand | August 19, 07:43 CET

Not on twitter, but you could post it here, I'm sure they'll check out this thread.

cabri | August 19, 07:45 CET

Mine, so far.

There once was a Jefferson (Thomas)
To whom the League once made a promise:
   "If you don a swell wig
   And dance us a jig
For membership how can ya miss?"

and

There once was a normal Professor
Whose evil made him a transgressor
   His goggles were eerie
   And made them all leery
But he sure was a right snazzy dresser.

[ edited by theonetruebix on 2008-08-19 08:07 ]

b!X | August 19, 07:47 CET

Due to my horribleness with rhymes, I've been sticking to haiku (or Horriku as I've dubbed them *evil laugh*):

Sweet pretty Penny
Fell hard for a corp'rate tool.
Poor girl got hammered.

Dr. Horrible
The man with the PHD
In horribleness.

That Captain Hammer
Never wears sweater vests, but
dry-cleans them daily.

Billy brought yogurts
Hoping to win Penny's heart
But she fell too late.

Those Hammer groupies
Stalking him until he ran.
Now they're Horriblettes.

cabri | August 19, 07:55 CET

signed up on twitter, not enough space to post, so I post here:

First draft:
There once was a man named Billy
whose costume, to some, seemed silly
He built a Death Ray
that killed Felicia Day
And nearly removed Hammer's willy

Modified:
There once was a man named Billy
whose costume, to some, seemed silly
He built a Death Ray
now mourns laundry day
And wears a visage that's chilly

JadeHand | August 19, 08:02 CET

There once was an equine named Bad Horse
Whose evil League exerted great force
His chorus could sing
And rhyme most anything
But if need be he'd stomp code with hoof Morse

b!X | August 19, 08:07 CET

Haiku:
Billy and Penny
Sharing yogurt and stories
Hammer will save us

JadeHand | August 19, 08:15 CET

There once was a Leika with fury
Who considered herself both judge and jury
With her wedding dress worn
And chock full of scorn
She trapped all men inside Missouri.

b!X | August 19, 08:23 CET

Speaking metaphors
Of imperfect nature, the doctor
Fails to impress her.

A league of like minds was established
To rule all of mankind with panache
When Dr. Horrible applied
He was mockingly denied,
And it led to ruining all that he'd cherished.

cabri | August 19, 08:30 CET

Mine, so far (though I might be running out of steam):

Bad Horse is a brute with a neigh
That is fierce, in a harsh equine way.
As he gallops terrain
With his long flowing mane
He spreads terror the whole livelong day.

Ah, Penny was bright as the day.
Gathered rosebuds and gave them away.
She was sweet, dear and kind -
There was pain to be mined.
So she died, in a WHEDONesque way.

(This was a "reply limerick" to a Dr. Horrible limerick):

The next word in his poem was "penis"
which lies, like a hammer between us.
All over the 'net
They could never forget
and this joke would return to demean us.
; >

(Horriku):
Whedon poem request.
Crazy random happenstance?
- No! sinister plan.

A watery henchman named Moist
Slipped and fell, knocking over a joist.
He died in a pool
Of his blood and some drool
His last gurgles remaining unvoiced.

(Horriku)
Memory ripples.
Already the story in flux.
Whatever! and Balls!

QuoterGal | August 19, 08:31 CET

You guys are grand! I have to admit, though, I like JadeHand's haiku best: simple but heart-breaking.

cabri | August 19, 08:35 CET

I make up in quantity what I lack in quality:
Limericks:

There was a doc in LA;
who tried to make a freeze ray;
the weapon backfired;
Penny's life expired;
Cap'n hammer didn't save the day.

Cap'n Hammer is a tool;
he plays Billy for a fool;
ladies go berserk;
tho he acts like a jerk;
they think he's hot and cool.

He had a PHD (Horribleness),
but Billy’s life was a huge mess.
A pretty girl he adored,
but him, she only ignored,
Penny was occupied w/ the Cap’n of the Penis.

An LA- much like Disney;
All sing: heroes, villains, Penny.
Angels, birds like Magpies,
sing Cap’n Hammer will die.
Even cowboy henchmen sing in key.

Haikus:

Simon Helberg's "Moist";
Dampens 'n' makes soggy my heart;
Evil Moisture Buddy.

Head of E.L.E;
His whinny terrifies all;
Thoroughbred of Sin.

*Sigh* Captain Hammer;
A hero leading the way;
We do the weird stuff.

Linnea1928 | August 19, 08:38 CET

I agree, Cabbie - it's the one that got me in that whedonesque way.

But now I have to *sigh* try again.

QuoterGal | August 19, 08:40 CET

Cool, we've pretty much taken over the haikutwaiku feed!

cabri | August 19, 08:43 CET

Here's my final poem - a Horriku, and so good-night, Horribles-all.

Dr. Horrible

When I zapped the gold
I moved it, but I killed it.
All that soft glitter stilled.

(Linnea1928 - I LOVE your last Horriku.)

QuoterGal | August 19, 08:59 CET

Penny is dead
Just like Ed

Simon | August 19, 09:09 CET

Here are my two contributions:
(my first one is similar to JadeHand's, I see, but I posted it on Twitter about the same time!)

There was a young man named Billy
Whose outfits sometimes were silly
Fell in love with a maid
Whose life then did fade
So he joined ELE not as a filly.

My Horriku:

Freeze ray did stop time
Not soon enough for Penny
Evil League gains new member.

Must go to bed now.

samatwitch | August 19, 09:16 CET

These are two I posted on twitter (but in net speak). Although quite abstract, they are still loosely based upon the DHSAB theme requested. I apologise for them both.

There once was a Jefferson, Fake
Figuring Out how to bake.
He cooked a Bad Horse
Heartburn was Horrible, of course
Hammer cutlery his only mistake.

And for a slightly darker approach:

There once was a blog, along-to sung
Starring No-one Particularly Horrible.
No sequel'll come
Thanks to Bad Horse's dung
The smell deemed somewhat intolerable.

NuVanessa | August 19, 09:57 CET

My two horrikus:

freeze ray to death ray
desperate play for respect
leaves Billy hollow

kind girl with red hair
cares for gentle laundry boy
love's horrible dream

beck | August 19, 10:31 CET

Behold the Number One groupie
Proud maker of the weird whoopie
Her “Rise” demo sound
Did Felicia astound
So please put it on the CD

Pointy | August 19, 12:38 CET

Here's one kind of in the spirit of Pointy's. You have to pronounce things inventively to get the rhymes to work and twist some meanings around, but, there you go.

There was a lovely tv-web thingy,
That pleased our ears with its singing.
The soundtrack was promised.
And promised, and promised.
And still not so much with the bringing.

Disclaimer: Any impatience suggested does not imply criticism. Just impatience.

Biff Turkle | August 19, 13:56 CET

Oh so fun! Why does this come up on a busy morning? I'm loving the horriku (wonderful coinage cabri!) especially. Two offerings and then I gots to go:

There once was a woman whose flair
unluckily managed to snare
the hearts of two guys
who tag-teamed her demise--
Penny shoulda done laundry elsewhere.

Entering that room
Bad Horse's eyes glint darkly
Penny lost to me

catherine | August 19, 15:22 CET

When Team Whedon composed "Dr Horrible"
They hired a cast quite adorable.
With ear-pleasing melodies
and taut plot developings,
the results were quite unignorable.

ShortFatGuy | August 19, 16:18 CET

There once was a quartet of awes
Lead by a hero named Joss
They brought us new plots
And some silly hot shots
And that's why we call them the boss
...es

And some horrikus for good measure:

Captain Hammer smells
Like Red Bull and sweaty socks
But his punches hurt.

Penny likes laundry.
Also doing the dishes
And taking hot baths.

uptheapples | August 19, 16:19 CET

A) Horrible Limerick

There was once a Horrible cackling,
Causing blog viewers much muted laughing,
But then Penny showed up,
With a ray in her gut,
And there was "Evil!" and "No, Joss!" and gasping.

B) Horriku

I got it working
My glorious death ray killed--
I didn't mean to.

Jav | August 19, 16:34 CET

You know. I swear to baby Jebus that I have a sense of humor and obviously I love all things Horrible and Whedoney, but something about, "We're drunk and bored -- dance for us, monkeys!" kind of squicks me out.

Meh. I'm sure it's just me.

karosurly | August 19, 16:58 CET

Well, karosurly, it's not like we haven't demanded that they do the "dance of joy" or sing on command. We're above... oh, wait. Nevermind. ;)

I love these! Oh, and you got this as a response. :D

korkster | August 19, 17:22 CET

Well, sure, if you add "dance for us, monkeys!" it changes the tone a little ;)

There once was a guy with a dream
to be horrible in the extreme
so he gave it a whirl
at the cost of one girl
and joined up with the evilest team

Horriku

He came back to say
"the hammer is my penis"
cuz, screw subtlety

Thoroughbred of sin
wild-eyed rides through our nightmares
black hooves clattering

catherine | August 19, 17:24 CET

Karosurly--I don't see it as "dance for me monkey", I see it more as, "we're still coming down from the incredible high of comic-con and we wish we could have some more fan interaction of the Dr. Horrible variety. Who wants to play?" At least thats how I see it.

alexreager | August 19, 17:25 CET

That was my take, too. 'Sides, if someone asks you to do something you want to do and enjoy doing, how manipulative can it be?

NYinTA asked the Doc if he wanted "hangover haiku" so I've already written a hangover limerick - but more coffee will be required if any more are needed:

There was a young writer named Whedon
Twittered drunk that some verse he was needin'.
All his tweetbuds complied
Which he woke up and eyed
But it hurt, 'cause his eyelids was bleedin'.

[ edited by QuoterGal on 2008-08-19 17:42 ]

QuoterGal | August 19, 17:41 CET

There once was a madman named Horrible
whose crimes were obscene and deplorable
But his fan club still grew
Cuz his eyes are so blue
And his goggles are so darn adorable

C. A. Bridges | August 19, 17:44 CET

Hee hee. Love that one, C.A. Bridges.

catherine | August 19, 17:53 CET

I'm assuming our muses were Jed and Zack (if Maurissa was involved too, sorry! Tancharoen didn't fit! ;D )

There once were 2 boys a la Whedon
Who spent one night drinkin' and eatin'
They jonesed for some poetry
And in a burst of word riotry
We made them spend all morning readin'

cabri | August 19, 18:11 CET

I'm pretty sure it's Maurissa that's behind the Dr. Horrible tweets. I mean, she & Jed may take turns, but the messages I get are signed MT.

korkster | August 19, 18:18 CET

Oo! Now we need one about Groupie #1! :) Totally dug yours, C.A. Bridges. His eyes are so BLUE! And those goggles.

*drools*

korkster | August 19, 18:19 CET

Tweeted last night:

"Freeze" refers to time
Water's flow but not its state
False advertising?

And limerick-style:

So evil did prevail...
Or did dear Billy fail?
In red and black
he can't go back.
But inside? Still the nail.

Lady Brick | August 19, 18:27 CET

korkster: "I'm pretty sure it's Maurissa that's behind the Dr. Horrible tweets. I mean, she & Jed may take turns, but the messages I get are signed MT."

Ya think? Crap. If so, maybe I should stop calling her "dude."

And you're right, Cabbie, Tancharoen makes the scansion all tricky and stuff... maybe i should take it as a poetic challenge...

*sigh*

QuoterGal | August 19, 18:52 CET

There once was a girl named Maurissa
She sang and she wrote with such bliss and
With tweets she demanded
In rhymes we be candid.
We sent Horriku tweets, our epistle.

cabri | August 19, 18:55 CET

Billy fell in love with her right quick
He was sure his heart was playing a trick
But he never could have her
Until she wound up a cadaver
Captain Hammer got to her with his dick

UnpluggedCrazy | August 19, 19:08 CET

Maurissa told me that it was mostly her with a side of Jed some time back as far as Twitter.

zeitgeist | August 19, 19:15 CET

Women can be "dude".

b!X | August 19, 19:19 CET

QuoterGal could no longer call Maurissa "dude"
She found it quite crude
Amazed she had been saying it all this time
But bix said it was fine
It certainly was not lewd

UnpluggedCrazy | August 19, 19:21 CET

I'm not sure it was her, but thank you for the image of Maurissa staggering drunkenly up to computer to slam out a dirty limerick. No doubt before singing all the verses of Lydia the Tatooed Lady.

Pointy | August 19, 19:38 CET

Billy and Penny folding laundry,
S-I-N-G-I-N-G,
First comes yogurt,
Then comes Penis,
Then comes Horrible with his evil meanness.

Yeah, I'm not quitting my day job.

Aloha Joe | August 19, 19:49 CET

@ Pointy ; >

Multi-talented Maurissa Tancharoen
Played her Horrible songs on a Sousaphone.
Then she twittered while drunk
And collapsed with a "thunk."
Now she tweets every time with a chaperone.

(Oh, gods, I'm sorry, but "acetone" and "testosterone" just weren't working out...)

QuoterGal | August 19, 19:51 CET

Is my memory bad, or is that not how Joss pronounced her name?

ETA you can hear it at around 2:30.

[ edited by theonetruebix on 2008-08-19 20:04 ]

b!X | August 19, 19:53 CET

Ha! Well done Quotergal. Sousaphone, hee hee hee.

catherine | August 19, 20:06 CET

I sure didn't catch how Joss said it - I went back to listen to listen to this interview to make sure I had it right.

That said, my rhymes are pretty appalling anyway...

QuoterGal | August 19, 20:08 CET

Ah, good try QuoterGal, cabri, & UnpluggedCrazy. Those were fun, and improved my mood. :)

Pointy, after watching Apartment 4B, I can definitely see Maurissa slamming out a drunken dirty limerick. ;)

This is fun! Keep it up! (Not in the "dance monkeys!" way; just the "let the creative juices continue" way.)

korkster | August 19, 20:08 CET

Dr horrible,
was quite adorable,
until he donned red coat.
Now he's horrific,
but the blog was terrific,
please say Act 4 you have wrote.

NYPinTA | August 19, 20:16 CET

So Joss mispronounced it? Heh. (Rhyming it the way he said it isn't easy either. You should see my attempt at it. No, you shouldn't.)

b!X | August 19, 20:18 CET

Not in the "dance monkeys!" way

Dangit! And here I've just put on my baboon outfit. It has a rainbow-colored butt and everything!

...

Oh crap. Zipper's stuck.

karosurly | August 19, 20:28 CET

Yay! Rainbow-colored butt! Well, I had hoped for dancing monkeys, but I wanted to be *surprised* than demanding. ;)

Since the zipper's stuck (hope that doesn' hurt) & all, could you entertain us? I'll give you a cookie. :)

korkster | August 19, 20:34 CET

Because we're all dancing monkeys:

Dancing monkeys twist
And slide with glee, words flying
through the twitter feed.

cabri | August 19, 20:35 CET

Uh, yeah. I'll do pretty much anything for a cookie. Let's see here ...

There once was a Captain named Hammer,
Whose presence caused Billy to stammer.
But Billy as the Doc
Gave the Captain quite a shock.
And now for Doc Horrible the crowds clamor.

I've totally misused "clamor," but whatevs. This stupid suit is hot and I want my cookie.

karosurly | August 19, 20:46 CET

Whoa. We get cookies??

NYPinTA | August 19, 20:49 CET

Virtual cookies, I think, NYPinTA - check your browser cache.

QuoterGal | August 19, 20:51 CET

Oops! Well, make promises to dancing monkeys.... expect to pay up. ;)

Here ya go. :)

korkster | August 19, 21:00 CET

Hey, the last time I asked for cookies around here, samatwitch actually gave me some (and they were damn good, too!). So keep an eye out. ;-)

UnpluggedCrazy | August 19, 21:03 CET

Great, korkster. Just great. Now I actually want a cookie!

NYPinTA | August 19, 21:09 CET

Free form ode to Hulu.com (Please keep in mind I am at work and my poetry sucks. Enjoy!)

Hulu.com you seduce me,
With your Horrible songs,
And free (with limited interruption)
episodes that are the soundtrack,
To my youth.
A Team! Barney Miller!
Original BSG!
Entranced I gaze
For hours amazed
That I used to crush on “Face”.

…Did you all see that movie where he played a crazy veitnam war vet that would walk out of the woods to a snack stand and ask for raw hamburger patties and eat them? OMG, that was so… oh wait. I’m in the middle of a poem. Right. …
*ahem*

Now sunrise has come,
And sleep has not found me.
Eyes blurred I stumble into the new day,
To tired to find a matching
Pair of socks.
One pink! One magenta!
With black and white polka dots!
A zombie I am,
Working best as I can,
Until I can log on again.

NYPinTA | August 19, 21:26 CET

Did ya'll enjoy the monkeys as much as I did? They're cute.

korkster | August 19, 21:28 CET

I posted one last night and went to bed:

Ther' was luvlorn genius,
Who secretly longed to be seen as,
A herald of sin,
With an equine portend,
N'er to bring up his penis.

:D

Charmuse | August 19, 21:28 CET

Didn't kill the thread, Charmuse. I just don't have anything creative to add. I'm more of a thief, really.

Actually, speaking of strong female characters, my uncle moved me to make a short about my mother. How unappreciated mothers go. Oh, he'll take it when I write it. And then I'll kidnap his kids and let them watch Dr. Horrible. :)

korkster | August 19, 21:57 CET

We have been given a gift! Of Jazzercise?

karosurly | August 20, 01:16 CET

Horrible told us
it would be dancing monkeys
but no: Jazzercise

b!X | August 20, 01:18 CET

D: Dr. Horrible is eviler than I thought. This must be his red period.

cabri | August 20, 01:41 CET

I posted these.

Penny, a homelessness steward
Thought Billy was hardly untoward.
She went out with Hammer
But that lost its glamour;
A pity she ended up skewered.

For violence, the Doc has resistance;
He likes rays that can work at a distance.
With guns as his strength,
He can stay at arm's length
Till an accident warps his existence.

Doc Hammer has flair that's quite showy,
And his rays are the bomb; even so, he
Oft cries out, "By Hades!
When it comes to the ladies,
They all want to do Evil Bowie!"

The wind rushes by
The young man's ears during the
Atomic wedgie

(Spoilers for Buffy season five and Serenity in the final one.)

Though Joyce did subcumb to an ailment,
And when shot, Book could never prevail, int-
-teresting, to many,
That with vamps, Wash, and Penny,
It seems Joss has a thing for impalement.

Shmuel | August 20, 01:41 CET

Jazzercise women
Perky, abrasive, loathsome.
Like cars at my head.

Gods, evil that defies description. Evil that cancels everything good and decent and pure in the world. Evil dressed in matching blue spandex leotards.

My eyes, they burn. My ears, they bleed. Please, for the love of Gods, please pull them out of my head.

QuoterGal | August 20, 03:19 CET

I hope Maurissa & Jed are proud of themselves, my psyche will be scarred for years to come. D:

cabri | August 20, 03:32 CET

I completely missed this topic somehow. Just posted this on Twitter:

There once was a villain called Hammer
Who insulted the town with his manner
He flaunted his penis (he was really a weenus)
And now he's a Certified Planner

[ edited by Tonya J on 2008-08-20 03:52 ]

Tonya J | August 20, 03:51 CET

mine was... kinda depressing... everyone else's mostly seem... i dunno... funny. :-P wow i have a dark personality!

Penny is no more.
Dr Horrible may win,
But he also fails.

(that's all i've done, though more will probably come when i've got time to sit and think...)

BrokenThread | August 20, 06:25 CET

from Melanie1001 on Twitter:

Horrible freeze ray
Time stopped, victory at hand
And anarchy reigns

(She sent this to me yesterday, but I keep forgetting to look at my Twitter replies - sorry I'm such a lame-o Twitter-Bud...)

QuoterGal | August 20, 21:42 CET

I tried - you can't twitter a limerick. They're too long.

There once was a villain from Cali who liked to lurk around in alleys; His attempt to stop time only worked on a mime - now he's hero of Silicon Valley!

bookwench | September 04, 23:10 CET

August 19 2008