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October 20 2008

"I'm Buffy the vampire lover". If you've ever wondered how a British women's magazine would approach "adult" fandom activities then look no further. Prepare to be stunned by sentences like "vampire sex has given our supercharged love life a toe-curling boost" and find out the real reason why Buffy and Angel could only just kiss and cuddle.

On the show, Angel and Buffy can only kiss and cuddle because a parallel universe is opened if a vampire and mortal have sex.

Wait, what? Did I miss that episode?
Um. Okay. Not sure about the parallel universe there, but I'm always good with mind-blowing orgasms. Unless it is happening in said parallel universe and not this one. Which would suck... your blood... oh, behave!
ha! pretty sure they stopped watching and ran off to bed a little too quick to catch THAT plotline... but... as long as they enjoyed it. ;)
I think I just did myself a mischief from laughing too hard

Hilariously badly ghost written vampire sex fantasies!!

The best bit has to be

Seeing him loom over me in the dark sends my pulse racing. I know there are people who live like vampires, but I couldn’t give up garlic bread, or sleep in a coffin.
I... that's... what?
I liked the smooth introduction of the protagonist's age in this line:
"That feels amazing," I groaned, as Kevin, 35, nibbled my neck.
I love how it keeps giving more examples, each crammed with irrelevant data at awkward points. It's like 4 scenes culled from romance novels with fill-in-the-blank writing.

ETA: Oh there's only two of them. Wow, it felt like I'd read at least 3 different stories in there.

[ edited by Sunfire on 2008-10-20 22:27 ]
Which just goes to show, some blanks are best left unfilled.

And of course she couldn't give up garlic bread, it's the future.

Well, I have always wondered if it's possible to be lower rent than Penthouse letters, so at least that's one question I can tick off. Anyone know why all fire-engines are called Dennis ? It'd be nice to get a twofer.
My brother's cat was called Dennis because it was found cowering in a burning building by a fireman

And here is the Dennis home page ( the engines, not the cat)

http://www.johndennisfire.co.uk/


Sadly no naughty vampire sexy shennanigans with fireman Sam (38)

[ edited by debw on 2008-10-20 22:39 ]
jcs, I would like to point out the Kevin referenced in that article is not me. gossi, 26, only shares a first name.

That article is absolutely brilliant. From Kevin, 35, the man with a forehead bigger than Dawson Leary (or Joss, for that matter), to the fact the article ends up with a link to their own dating website.. Glorious.

[ edited by gossi on 2008-10-20 22:57 ]
Which just goes to show, some blanks are best left unfilled.


Ha! I'm pretty sure there are a whole lot of blanks best left unfilled, but some people never listen.
Maybe he should have dressed up like Spike and then they could have banged away like rabbits and still been in canon....:0
I'm doing that RIGHT NOW sueworld2003. Wait, is this thing on?
That's great typing gossi, y'know, considering ...
Oh buggr this.
OMG that was hilarious. Maybe the worst writing I've ever seen.
OK, terrible article and everything, but I still wish my boyfriend was a little more game and liked Buffy in the least. Sounds kinda fun, albeit silly.
So I can blame Karen and Anthony if this parallel universe sucks?
So are we in this parallel universe or the other one? Quick someone check for shrimp!
Hold me Angel....

I'm afraid.
I... that's... what? [siwangmu]

Took the words right outa my mouth.
If my wife requests a threesome with "The Count" from Sesame Street and "Count Chocula," is that wrong? Also, which one should I play? I don't think I look good in brown, but I'm not mathematically inclined.

Signed
Vampiric in Vermont
That is sooooooo funny!!!! lol!! I may have to try it and see if my sex life improves!! LOL!!
...Wow, um, ok. What a weird article. I think I prefer my vamp/mortal sex stories a la True Blood.
Wish I knew enough about the subject to truly evaluate this article, he says with a straight face.

(I'm not lying about the "Daddy" part; on February 10th and 12th of 1990, something worked for a change.)

On second thoughts, yes, badly written, yeesh.
Wait, the Sun's a women's mag?
That was completely, utterly hilarious- in the most craptastic of ways.

Since when I tell my boyfriend to 'Bite me', the meaning is completely different!

Actually, didn't Buffy once talk about reading 'The Sun'?
*Checks* Yup, in 'Amends'.
Wait, the Sun's a women's mag?


There's a pic of a women's mag in the article so I'm guessing they got the material from there.
missb, I always thought it was a reference to the supermarket tabloid magazine, not the British tabloid newspaper. I remember getting quite excited at a correct British reference to find it wasn't a British reference at all.
I dunno, I still think Buffy's odd reference to 'The Sun' when talking to Giles probably meant the UK red top rather than a US magazine which it seems pretty unlikely Giles would read (or at least, unlikely he'd let anyone know that he reads ;).

Of course, to a Brit it's pretty (even extremely) unlikely that someone like Giles would read 'The Sun' either but I always just chalked that up to a minor cross-cultural misconception (or even a conscious good natured poke by Buffy at "those wacky Brits" ;).
Well, I dunno either but it's just after Buffy reads 'A child shall be born of man and goat and have two heads, and The First shall speak only in riddles...' that she says it is just like reading the Sun. And that sounds a lot more like the magazine that asked in 1999 if readers were prepared for the Day of Judgement Sun than the "Gotcha" Sun.
Yeah, it's ambiguous but doesn't she also say (roughly) "No wonder you like this stuff ..." (my emphasis) to Giles ? Without a previous reference to the supermarket mag it seems a bit of a non sequitur but as a reference to the British paper it sort of makes sense since at that point (and maybe all through the series) Giles' defining characteristic is that he's a Brit. The "cross-cultural misconception" bit comes in with the idea that folk in the US may hear "tabloid" and think "National Inquirer" and so assume The Sun has similar content.

You may well be right though moley75, could be a "scaffold" scene that set up the fact that Giles reads the magazine for research (or even "research" ;) was cut for time and so you end up with a situation like Mal's "Good answer" to Inara near the end of 'Serenity' which is actually a call back to a previous line from a scene that was cut. We may never know ;).
In "Men in Black" they read the tabloids for research.
According to Buffy World the shooting script had Giles reading "the Star". http://www.buffyworld.com/buffy/scripts/044_scri.html

The broadcast transcript has "The Sun". http://www.buffyworld.com/buffy/transcripts/044_tran.html

[ edited by Capt. Logic on 2008-10-21 22:00 ]
Hmm, well there's a 'Daily Star' newspaper (I use the term loosely ;) in the UK that's, if anything, even lower rent than The Sun so that fits with that reading (it's often referred to just as 'the Star', in the same way the 'Daily Mirror' - similar idea to The Sun but left leaning - is often just called 'the Mirror').

Unfortunately, there's also a Star magazine that's a similar sort of thing to The Sun magazine (maybe more celebrities than two-headed goat children ;) so i'm not sure if that clears it up or not (the use of 'the' might hint against 'Star' magazine but it's not definitive). Good intel though Capt. Logic, ta ;).
Based on the Sun's (the supermarket tabloid) penchant for stories relating to prophecies and the apocalypse I'm leaning towards it.

However, it could be really clever writing and mean both Suns...
Its funny, I've watched Amends several times and I always thought Buffy was referring to some sort of Heliodivination, sort of like reading tea leaves or entrails. It never occurred to me that she was referring to a tabloid publication.

And Sage, ta right back at ya big guy!:)
On the show, Angel and Buffy can only kiss and cuddle because a parallel universe is opened if a vampire and mortal have sex.

Wait, what? Did I miss that episode?

My thought's exactly, Serefina. I mean...Huh?
I guess my husband and I could dress up like Buffy and Spike.

No, laughing hilariously might not be conducive to a romantic encounter.
Was that vampire slumming? Maybe it's the mood I'm in because it struck me as creepy (and a lot like the Buffy Vampire wannabe episode).
Given Joss's time in the UK, I firmly believe that Buffy was referring to the UK Sun, to make fun of Giles. If you wanted to reference a US tabloid of that type, The Weekly World News is/was much more iconic than our Sun.
I agree with moley75, Buffy had never been to England, she was referring to the American tabloid, which does indeed have a lot of stuff that Giles would be interested in, if true.

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