What are Whedon and Goddard building with Cabin in the Woods? - The Cabin in the Woods

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January 27 2009

What are Whedon and Goddard building with Cabin in the Woods? "Joss Whedon is one of the best in the world when it comes to building - and manipulating - online hype for his projects, essentially getting fans to do his PR work for him."

Whedonesque gets a mention from yesterday's ny times debacle...Lead-in to this article is here.

wilder | The Cabin in the Woods | 22:34 CET | 104 comments total | tags: drew goddard, joss

Honestly, I really love the title and I imagine some really good things coming out of it, but I am not that anxious because I am pretty sure Dollhouse will satisfy my Whedon fix.

Ricardo Leal | January 27, 23:10 CET

Was waiting for this to show up. Meanwhile, in the past two days, people at two different horror websites have claimed on Twitter to be reading the script.

The One True b!X | January 27, 23:11 CET

In reference to the fan PR work, I'm not sure about you guys but I'm sick and tired of stuffing envelopes for Mutant Enemy. Oh sure, they made it sound so glamorous but here I am with my fingers covered in paper cuts. Interestingly, I'm able to sign child support checks with no trouble ;)

alexreager | January 27, 23:12 CET

Most all of Joss' fans are already his publicists - and we are a ragtag, motley crew, gods help him.

I don't mind the paper cuts as much as I mind the cheap glue on the envelopes - it makes me feel weak and dizzy and ill in a possibly Seinfeldian way.

QuoterGal | January 27, 23:20 CET

QuoterGal, let's hope you don't get too Seinfeldian with your envelopes.

As for people twittering (or is it "tweeting") that they're already reading the script, well, that just irritates me. It irritates me because, of course, *I* want to read the script. But more than that, I want Joss and Drew to win their little anti-spoilerization war. So I sort of hope the script out there is a big, fat foiler. Oooh, the twin emotions of glad-for-Joss and glorious schadenfreude at a script foiler prospect!

[ edited by phlebotinin on 2009-01-27 23:32 ]

phlebotinin | January 27, 23:30 CET

Joss Whedon is the Master of My Domain.

BrewBunny | January 27, 23:38 CET

TMI.

The One True b!X | January 27, 23:40 CET

I feel so manipulated. I'm such a dupe.

Nebula1400 | January 27, 23:43 CET

Um, that would be a joke, b!X.

BrewBunny | January 27, 23:44 CET

Um, so would be my TMI, BrewBunny.

The One True b!X | January 27, 23:45 CET

It seems to me that writing a fake script would be a lot of work. Fake casting sides, not so much. But a whole script? If that script is fake, I wonder if they're writing in mildly ridiculous stuff just 'cuz. It must be kind of cathartic to write a fake one.

These articles that paint Joss as a marketing genius and internet wizard are getting kind of weird. "Manipulating the hype" doesn't seem all that good in my world. Then again I think the real Internet Wizard hat and robes is hanging in Felicia's closet. She even seems to have attracted loyal minions. I mean fans.

ETA: Of course I guess if you're NYT you don't want to write about the less-than-wizard who pwned you hard.

[ edited by Sunfire on 2009-01-27 23:46 ]

Sunfire | January 27, 23:45 CET

Whedon just turned every one of his fans into publicists.

Didn't end well back in 2005.

Simon | January 27, 23:48 CET

Speaking of the NYT, they've altered their log line, but have not dropped the not-really-cast actors (although their presumed source for that, StudioSystems, is back to saying only two actors, not four).

The One True b!X | January 27, 23:49 CET

We've got a whole 4 more years of PR experience now. You should see our resume! We've marketed several blockbuster... comic series.

Sunfire | January 27, 23:50 CET

I'm not even sure we did that. The only notable success we had in recent years was Dr. Horrible.

I still shudder over the fan campaigns for Serenity imploding. We did get carried away with our "we can do it" attitude. That first box office weekend did more damage to the fandom than Firefly getting cancelled. This is why I like the measured approach to Dollhouse. Keeps us sane.

Simon | January 27, 23:53 CET

It seems to me that writing a fake script would be a lot of work.

There's a kind of The Producers-like satirical story lurking in there. Writer writes real script into which he throws his heart and soul: "this is the script that will change the way we think about the gothic-musical-historical-drama forever!". Writes "fake" script to throw off the spoiler-crowd and decides to write a complete piss-take on the most cliche-ridden, paint-by-numbers, no-brain Big Hollywood Movie ever." Fake script does rounds and gets into hands of film execs. "We love it!"--they cry. Real script goes nowhere, but fake script gets made and becomes multiple Oscar-winner, constantly praised for its daring originality.

snot monster from outer space | January 27, 23:59 CET

Yeah, I'm with Simon. The Whedon fans are legion when it comes to these corners of the Interweb, but there simply aren't enough of us to handle some sort of marketing blitz. It's also kind of annoying that people keep assuming we are, instead of actually trying to put out decent campaigns for the material.

UnpluggedCrazy | January 27, 23:59 CET

snot monster from outer space, I wanna write that movie.

UnpluggedCrazy | January 28, 00:00 CET

I'm not even sure we did that. The only notable success we had in recent years was Dr. Horrible.

Yeah I know. To be more serious, I think it's the classic "the internet nerds are a PR machine!" mistake. Oh can we ever talk about your cool new thing, but it's mostly amongst ourselves. That said Dr. Horrible did reach some people I know whom I didn't expect it to, before I even mentioned it. So I think Dr. Horrible may be the exception to Geek PR, Inc. model not working. But it was everything a studio project isn't, so I still think the model is a lousy idea for most things.

And I think this author is jumping to the "Whedon is a genius!" conclusion at expense of rushing right past the part where Joss explained this is their way of keeping the real movie a secret. Yes they are two geniuses but they're geniuses who want the internet to keep its hands off their stuff for a while, until they finish making it.

Sunfire | January 28, 00:03 CET

If the thing was basically internet or any other new media vehicle, we're pretty much kings and queens on it.
When dealing with more traditional things like movies, we're still kind of green.
2005 wasn't exactly an example of success.

Numfar PTB | January 28, 00:04 CET

Used. A patsy.

I made so much money for "Serenity."

Nebula1400 | January 28, 00:10 CET

Just because the few shout loudly; doesn't mean the many talk at all.

Oh, and Yeah. I'm more than happy to plug CitW virally. If only we had something more substantial to virally viral [market].

...Viral...

Jaymii | January 28, 00:18 CET

Viral has now become a verb.

What a world!

Nebula1400 | January 28, 00:24 CET

Heck, this is the guy whose fans talked a studio into making his cancelled TV show - Firefly - into a feature film - Serenity.

Ah, yes, good times. Remember when all of us went into that meeting to pitch the movie to Mary Parent? Sure, we were hard to understand; thousands of us speaking at the same time and all, but wow were we ever effective. I think that Josh Swedon guy was trying to claim some credit for it afterwards. But, seriously, everyone knows it was really us. *cough*

(Also, when was Josh Lyman ever a cabinet member? He was deputy chief of staff and campaign manager for ~~Obama~~ Santos.. unless - which I don't believe - the senior white house staff is also colloquially called a 'cabinet'.)

Other than that: nice article. Fun to see our discussion on the meaning of the word 'literally' quoted in there. I still worry about the misinformation, though. I think that most of the magazines and/or newspapers I've worked at, would stop publishing news if it's always unrealiable. But: I've never worked as an entertainment journalist, so maybe in that case everything's different. Still, my gut feeling says that 'Cabin in the Woods' is too small to get away with continuous misinformation. That kind of thing works for big stuff like the next Star Wars, Indiana Jones or Terminator, or the next movie featuring big stars like Will Smith or Tom Hanks, but not for a niche horror movie by brilliant, but undeniable cult, writers.

Then again: I may be completely wrong. It's been known to happen.

ETR: typo (Any typos remaining have obviously been put there consciously as a form of misinformation and have therefore not been removed).

[ edited by GVH on 2009-01-28 00:29 ]

GVH | January 28, 00:24 CET

Ahh, the non-boffo Serenity days - I thought for sure that film would be so successful that we'd be getting Reavers (collect them all!) in our (Mc)Happy Meals! *sigh* What did I know?

m'cookies actual | January 28, 00:26 CET

Well, this article did its part; it's the first I'd read of the CitW project, and I visit Whedonesque everyday (but apparently not effectively). I'll be sure to keep in mind that there's a maybe horror movie about a maybe cabin in the woods coming out maybe sometime, then. :)

Jav | January 28, 00:28 CET

"When dealing with more traditional things like movies, we're still kind of green." and quite simply to few.
Making an internet success of Dr Horrible only needs the awareness of thousands/tens of thousands of people while a network tv show/film needs millions of viewers to be acknowledged as a success, a difference in scale that often seems to be overlooked by enthusiastic fans in the internet echochamber.

jpr | January 28, 00:39 CET

That's actually me they quoted. My life is complete

Let Down | January 28, 00:53 CET

Anyone considering the ethics here?

Dana5140 | January 28, 00:56 CET

Ethics? This is the entertainment industry. We don't need no stinkin' ethics.

BrewBunny | January 28, 01:06 CET

The only notable success we had in recent years was Dr. Horrible.

Well hopefully all of the acolytes we brought over for Dr. Horrible will stay.....

wilder | January 28, 01:33 CET

There's a kind of The Producers-like satirical story lurking in there. Writer writes real script into which he throws his heart and soul: "this is the script that will change the way we think about the gothic-musical-historical-drama forever!". Writes "fake" script to throw off the spoiler-crowd and decides to write a complete piss-take on the most cliche-ridden, paint-by-numbers, no-brain Big Hollywood Movie ever." Fake script does rounds and gets into hands of film execs. "We love it!"--they cry. Real script goes nowhere, but fake script gets made and becomes multiple Oscar-winner, constantly praised for its daring originality.

Ha ha! You should write a fake script with that story-line, snot monster.

catherine | January 28, 01:50 CET

Wait, if I write a fake script with that story line, what will the real script be? Cabin in the Woods?

snot monster from outer space | January 28, 02:25 CET

I'm not buying into anymore casting news for CITW. Unless I hear Hillary Duff has a role, in which case I will implode after what I searched and found on the 'Net today. Saw an oblique comment about her from joblo.com on Twitter so I went and searched what I thought it was with a sinking heart. Hillary Duff is playing Bonnie Parker in a Bonnie and Clyde-type film. I don't think whoever these people are have the cojones to remake Arthur Penn's masterpiece; more like some Bonnie biopic. Nice alliteration by me, but it's a Bad News Bears idea for a film.

Tonya J | January 28, 03:16 CET

Yes, what could Joss and Drew be up to?! My mind screams!

So looking forward.

Madhatter | January 28, 03:36 CET

I love snot monster from outer space's idea - a lot - but with one tiny change.

I think a bunch of us should write fake CitW scripts.

Or - maybe we already have, and then released them into the wild.

Ahhahahahahahaha!

QuoterGal | January 28, 03:51 CET

Haha, GVH, the "cabinet member" error was the first thing I noticed too. I commented on the actual post before I read yours (twice, by accident). We are of one mind. JOIN US!

drnotsobad | January 28, 04:04 CET

"Haha, GVH, the "cabinet member" error was the first thing I noticed too."

Well there goes my joke about Cabinet in the Woods

Let Down | January 28, 04:26 CET

It's been done anyway.

The One True b!X | January 28, 04:37 CET

I need a internet promotional banner for Terminator/Dollhouse Friday, Feb. 13th, 2009. Is there one somewhere I can hotlink to or upload to myspace. Do I like have to make one up myself....

Anonymous1 | January 28, 05:22 CET

"It's been done anyway."

Bah. It's so irritating when people read my jokes, travel back in time and post them before me

Let Down | January 28, 05:51 CET

Well, we're in a practional school of evilness. Better rush out and gather all the the fun you can handle, it isn't available elsewhere.

Madhatter | January 28, 06:11 CET

Yikes, drnotsobad. We have one mind? That must suck for you :p. (Also: welcome and congrats on your first post!)

It's been done anyway.

One can always count on whedonesque to make every word-joke possible. Sometimes even twice. I think it might be some kind of law of physics.

GVH | January 28, 08:14 CET

Whedonesque: no pun unturned, no rumor undiscussed. We minutely dissect more before breakfast than most people do in a lifetime! ;-)

OzLady | January 28, 10:33 CET

Ethics? This is the entertainment industry. We don't need no stinkin' ethics.
BrewBunny | January 28, 01:06 CET

And the funniest comment on the thread award goes to .... BrewBunny ;)

And yay for Let Down, for the life completing quote.

I tried really hard to come up with a "Cabinet in the Woods" joke related to adding more West Wing cast, but it's just too much of a stretch, considering that no one in the show was actually in a cabinet position, except Leo/John Spencer.

Shey | January 28, 12:37 CET

Yes, I have read the script. It is full of plots and sub plots and burial plots and sub texts and phone texts and twists and subversions and singing and whimsy and, did I mention whimsy? Ok, thought I'd try some of my own misinformation and disinformation and malinformation and yes it is fun and all lies and now I'm just confused and a little bemused but mostly amused. *goes to have lie down*

RollingInKittens | January 28, 13:44 CET

Let's just hope no studio ever assumes "let's just leave the promotion work to the fans" on a Joss Whedon production again. I still can't get over that Universal executive who blamed Serenity's problems on the failure of the fans to get the message out rather than his own poor decision-making. If you're putting a good film out there, market it properly!!!

daylight | January 28, 14:11 CET

By the time CitW actually IS released we won't be able to see the cabin for the encampment. The area will be so populated with rumored actors and alternate versions of the cabin that there won't be any trees left to even BE a "woods."

BreathesStory | January 28, 14:32 CET

Yeah, there's no problem if one uses Joss' fanbase for promotional purposes (usually we already do that anyway, without being prompted), just as long as it's not the only strategy. There should be regular, mainstream promotion as well. We just don't have the resources to do major advertisements or ads, and the effect of that type of promotion on the general awareness about a project is indispensible of you want to become a mainstream hit.

So in the end, that's really the only way it works. However much we enthuse, shout, type and promote, we're only going to reach a limited number of people by ourselves.

GVH | January 28, 14:38 CET

However much we enthuse, shout, type and promote, we're only going to reach a limited number of people by ourselves.

And blame ourselves afterwards. You know when a strategy is messed up beyond belief when fans publicly chastise themselves for not doing more to promote Serenity. I do not want to see comments like "I've let Joss and the fandom down" ever again. So if anyone else wants to get in bed with us I'm going to tell them to get lost. We're not for sale.

Simon | January 28, 14:42 CET

Well, like I said, I have no problem with it on principle. We're enthusiastic, we tend to promote anyway and there's no harm in structuring that and using it if you're a company putting out one of Joss' works.

It is problematic if it's your only strategy, if you make it public knowlegde that that's your only strategy and if you then blame the fans afterwards. I don't want another 'Serenity' either (now there's something that - taken out of context - is something I would've never thought I'd type here ;)).

GVH | January 28, 15:28 CET

Sorry, it's probably my relative newness to this community coming through, but I don't understand what Simon meant by:

I still shudder over the fan campaigns for Serenity imploding. We did get carried away with our "we can do it" attitude. That first box office weekend did more damage to the fandom than Firefly getting cancelled.

Simon, can you (or someone else who understands) clarify? Thanks!

Bluey | January 28, 15:48 CET

It's really hard to compare a new show that hasn't even aired yet to the Firefly/Serenity passion and drama.

mister0 | January 28, 16:08 CET

So long as people here are willing to be used, and are informed that they are being used, I see no problem. But the problem I did see was that Joss effectively said, yes, we misled everyone, and what the article says is that is was done knowing that places like this would pick up the misleads and engage in conversations that would be used to help promote the film at no real advertising cost; that is, people were used. So it was devious, and that is something I do have problems with, even if I am part of the fandom and would be happy to help promote the film. Now, that is me, of course, and I am one who does not illegally download music either, 'cause it's wrong, so what do I know about things?

Dana5140 | January 28, 16:19 CET

Simon, can you (or someone else who understands) clarify? Thanks!

To get a sequel, everything hinged on the success of the first box office weekend. Now when the Friday figures came in, they were not great but people were hoping to see a much bigger increase for the following day. But when the Saturday figures were discovered to be lower than that of Friday's, people went bananas. Despite fans going to see the movie multiple times and hyping the movie to their friends and co-workers it had all been in vain. There was panic and the mantra of "We are mighty" turned out to be pretty weak indeed. Eventually things settled down but the battle for the sequel had been lost that weekend and the Firefly fandom never recovered from that.

Simon | January 28, 16:32 CET

I have no issues with being misled (and for me, it was minor. I don't feel {{GASP}} betrayed in any way). I think Joss is way smart enough to know not only will we talk about it, we'll dissect it. We're not all wearing rose-colored glasses here. And I want them to generate interest in this film without people knowing everything about it.

And thank God I won't be seeing Bill Nighy running through the woods in his nightie.

Tonya J | January 28, 17:14 CET

I agree TonyaJ, I don't feel betrayed by Joss' antics either.

I expect twists and turns in his work, so it doesn't shock me that he might create a few surprises in real life, too. Seriously, how many people have their very own panic (*picnic*)meter.

And if said twists/turns ensnare some "haters/critical critics" in a web of deceit, I say feel free to take me on the ride.

Just one request for Joss if he's lurking, please don't dangle Cobie Smulders in front of us because that might just be too much to bear (again).

alexreager | January 28, 17:40 CET

Hah! I dunno, Bill Nighy in a nightie sounds devilishly fun! I agree Tonya J, I'm glad I can't see the Cabin in the Woods for the trees (*ducks*). I love that Joss is going to lengths to make the movie spoiler free. I really loved that with Dr Horrible and thought it was very clever and if I had known the outcome, I would not have enjoyed it as much as I did.

RollingInKittens | January 28, 17:49 CET

Thanks for explaining Simon! It never helps anyone's ego to be given evidence contrary to one's dreams, I can understand how those first Friday/Saturday Serenity screenings would have hurt the fandom. I hope that Joss' intro to the early screenings (as seen on the DVD) helped disappointed fan's realise just how awesome they had done to get the movie made at all... With just a 'little' ;-) help from Joss of course!

I can see what you mean Dana5140, and to a certain extent I agree. I was certainly suprised to learn that Joss had intentionally misled people. But on the other hand, I can see how frustrating it must be for Joss to get everything spoiled when I guess that most horror movie's success to, well, horrify relies on the plot being spoiled as little as possible.

Bluey | January 28, 18:32 CET

Hey! I wrote the article in question and just wanted to chime in with a couple things:

First, the cabinet error was not mine but my editor's, who was valiantly trying to correct an entirely different error.

Second, whatever the result was, Serenity got made entirely because of the vocal fan base. Give yourselves credit where it's due. We got a bit more Firefly out there and that's a good thing. The failure had nothing to do with the fans and everything to do with piss poor marketing from people who clearly didn't understand the film they had. I know for a fact that they refused to even talk to the largest film festival on the continent because it didn't "fit their marketing plan" which ended up being hardly any advertising and badly misleading trailers.

And, finally, I think Joss' particular genius here is the 'poison the well' approach. It's not just that it gets people talking - which is pretty much max effect for minimum effort and pretty damn swell all on it's own - but that he has effectively un-spoilered all future spoilers. As a result of this move even when accurate info leaks - and most leaks probably will be accurate - nobody will entirely trust them. That, to me, is brilliant.

twitchfilm | January 28, 20:10 CET

Really, the only thing I question here are the motivations some here are attaching to Joss' misinformation. My feeling is that his motivations are creative, not promotional.

I don't get the sense he's engaging in misinformation in order to generate discussion/attention, but simply to protect his work for as long as he can get away with doing so under the pressures of the modern (new) media glare.

(Well, okay, the other thing I question, and have before, is who exactly authorized the leaking of the names of actors that had not in fact been cast, since you'd think the actors in question might have objections.)

The One True b!X | January 28, 20:18 CET

Maybe the "fact" that they have not been cast is the misinformation?

BrewBunny | January 28, 20:43 CET

Maybe there *is* no Cabin In The Woods and it's all a big diversion to distract us from the huge musical they're developing.

Sunfire | January 28, 20:53 CET

You mean this one?

The One True b!X | January 28, 20:56 CET

Pfft, what does 'Evil Dead' have to do with cabins in woods *does banoonoos sign with hand*.

Second, whatever the result was, Serenity got made entirely because of the vocal fan base. Give yourselves credit where it's due.

You have landed on 'Community Myth' - donate $50 to charity and go back 5 spaces. ;).

I really doubt Big Purp is trying to drum up discussion, mainly because if he is even vaguely aware of his fandom (and he is) then he'll know we'd discuss his choice of breakfast cereal until the wee small hours (my money's on cornflakes, Kellog's, of course) - any news at all would've been discussed to death by us (and a few genre sites), now there'll just be another dimension of "P.S. this may all be bollocks anyway" to the discussion.

Saje | January 28, 21:03 CET

You mean this one?

No, I meant Dracula: The Musical.

Sunfire | January 28, 21:07 CET

Lets not forget that Joss never said that the Jena Malone and Bill Nighy casting information was leaked by the CitW team. He did say "this is misinformation" and that "we've been sending out our OWN misinformation", but he didn't link them. Of course, he also didn't say that they didn't leak it.

NotaViking | January 28, 21:10 CET

Yeah but the information came from InBaseline/StudioSystem, and generally speaking random people are not supposed to be able to update those records, unlike, say, IMDb. (Not that it's impossible, but it's not a Wikipedia-like near-free-for-all in there.)

The One True b!X | January 28, 21:14 CET

my money's on cornflakes, Kellog's, of course

Pfffft. Worst. Breakfast-guess. Evar!

Your move.

snot monster from outer space | January 28, 21:28 CET

Chortle

PaulfromSunnydale | January 28, 21:32 CET

You know, not for nothing, but Bradley Whitford's character on "The West Wing" was a member of the Senior Staff, not the Cabinet.

streetartist | January 28, 21:33 CET

Your move.

Dude/tte, Kellog's Cornflakes is the check and the mate of breakfast cereals. Any further moves would be mere wriggling.

(did I mention I think he has them dyed purple by a local craftsman ?)

Saje | January 28, 21:39 CET

b!X: Hmm, yes that makes it harder to believe that it's come from some random rumour. I share your concern about the actors. To me, it would just seem unprofessional to intentially use their names to promote a film they're not in. Which is partly why I don't think we should be assuming it's a fact that it was leaked by Joss & co unless they state it explicitly.

Also, looking back at what Joss said - "Oh. Also, they got the plot wrong. In order to protect the story from spoilerization, we've been sending out our OWN misinformation". Seems like their fake info is related to the story. Leaking cast details has nothing to do with spoiling/protecting the story.

I don't know. I'm just saying that we can't be sure either way. Either where the info came from or, as you said, who authorised it, would be interesting to know.

NotaViking | January 28, 21:53 CET

Saje: "...then he'll know we'd discuss his choice of breakfast cereal until the wee small hours (my money's on cornflakes, Kellog's, of course)..."

I'll put $15 on "daily yogurt, fruit & granola, with the occasional blow-out, full-on, carbalicious breakfast on the weekend."

I will refrain from once again posting the Joss-quote re: the myth of the fans getting Serenity greenlit, but imagine that I've posted it here.

And yeah, I agree, I think Joss was just aiming for deflecting the fisheye lens off of CitW, if that's what I mean, especially after watching the recent "pick, pick, pick" on the healing scabs of Dollhouse.

I know, that imagery is really ugly, but it seems apt. Maybe this is prettier - the little Dollhouse seedling kept getting pulled out of the dirt and checked to see if it "was growing okay."

So I agree - I think he's gotten tired of it, and is hoping to mess up the spoiler-y process - I doubt he was trying to get it buzz going with this ruse.

My opinion, of course - but Joss was pretty straight-forward about getting the press for Doc Horrible, and getting us to help get the word out. I doubt he's resorting to subterfuge to promote CitW.

QuoterGal | January 28, 21:53 CET

GIS for "purple breakfast" leads to some vaguely disquieting images.

I'm guessing that he aspires to the yoghurt/granola model QuoterGal lays out, but actually grabs a coffee and something sweet on his way to a meeting/shoot/whatever.

He may deign to enter this thread to set us all straight; but I'm pretty sure whatever he says about it will be deliberate misinformation. I mean, who wants their breakfast spoiled?

snot monster from outer space | January 28, 22:13 CET

It's bad enough there were pie spoilers, now there's going to be breakfast spoilers?

The One True b!X | January 28, 22:15 CET

AND ELEVENSES WILL BE CREAM SCONES BUT WITHOUT JAM !

Saje | January 28, 22:17 CET

“The rule is, jam tomorrow and jam yesterday - but never jam today.”

And, of course, I definitely see a caffeine stimulant of some kind in Joss' morning. He has kids, after all, and they will drag you kicking and screaming from sleep willy-nilly, so tea or coffee probably also on menu.

QuoterGal | January 28, 22:24 CET

The ultimate pie spoiler: there will be pie in the sky when you die.

snot monster from outer space | January 28, 22:27 CET

Can I have my slice now, y'know, just in case ?

“The rule is, jam tomorrow and jam yesterday - but never jam today.”

So today's scones never have jam but yesterday's did ? Just as I always suspected, cream scones with jam transcend what we laughingly call reality (well, I laugh anyway).

And, of course, I definitely see a caffeine stimulant of some kind in Joss' morning.

Yep, caffeine stimulant's are how you tell it is morning. That and the existential horror of course.

Saje | January 28, 22:32 CET

Christianity/Islam: Pie in the sky when you die.
Buddhism: There's no pie, but there's no you either, so it's a wash.
Judaism: That pie better be kosher.
Existentialism: There's no pie, but you do exist. The horror.
Hinduism: 48 flavors of pie (no beef, please).

snot monster from outer space | January 28, 22:50 CET

Judaism: That pie better be kosher.

More like, God promised us pie. We walked until we found it.

Sunfire | January 28, 22:53 CET

Next time, keep the pie.

Humanism: There's plenty of pie, it's just made from people is all.
Pantheism: My god, it's full of pie !
Zoroastrianism: All that is required for evil pie to triumph is that good pies do nothing.
Ventriloquism: All the kie you can eat, geer too. So long as you don't mind the hand going ... you know ...

Saje | January 28, 23:20 CET

I'm somewhat comforted by the fact that at any given time, anywhere in the world, someone is eating pie. Even if it isn't me. Just don't bogart the chocolate, world.

Tonya J | January 28, 23:37 CET

Antidisestablishmentarianism: There can only be one true pie!
Totalitarianism: When our Glorious Leader eats a pie, he is eating it for all of us!
Marxism: The workers must control the means of pie production.
Solipsism: I am the pie.
Circleareaism: The pie are squared.
Deconstructionism: Il n'y a pas de hors-tarte. ("There is no horse-pie"--a good thing too. Well...maybe in Belgium.)
Beatleism: Honey-pie, you are driving me crazy!
Wild Beatleism: I love you, yeah, honey-pie!

snot monster from outer space | January 28, 23:38 CET

Antidisestablishmentarianism: There can only be one true pie!

Mine, obviously.

The One True b!X | January 28, 23:38 CET

Tucker's Brotherism: "We are pie. Oh, we are pie. We are as pie. We are as pie!"
Rorschachism: "It is not pie that kills the children. Not pie that butchers them or pie that feeds them to the dogs. It's us. Only us."
Cheesism: "I wear the pie. It does not wear me."

QuoterGal | January 28, 23:55 CET

Whedonism: "I'd rather make a pie that 1 person needs to eat than one that 6 people want to eat."

Sunfire | January 29, 00:00 CET

Fillionism: "The hammer is my pieness."

The One True b!X | January 29, 00:02 CET

Horribleism: "This pie is a mess and I just need to eat it."

Sunfire | January 29, 00:09 CET

Richard Kiel's T-shirt as Mr. Larson from Happy Gilmore: "Guns dont kill people, pie kill people."

And I totally think Joss is a FROSTED FLAKES guy, They're Greeeeeeeat!

alexreager | January 29, 00:17 CET

Faliciadayism: "I don't discuss my pies".

[ edited by Numfar PTB on 2009-01-29 00:40 ]

Numfar PTB | January 29, 00:40 CET

All this pie talk is making me sad over the cancellation of my beloved Pushing Daisies. *sniff*

BrewBunny | January 29, 02:02 CET

Scientific materialism: [pie recipe]
Jossism: "Pie me."
Bushism: "Make the pie higher."
Optimism: "Hey, there's still half a pie left!"
Pessimism: "Hey, half the damn pie's gone!"
Ageism: "This pie is past its sell-by date!"
Pieism: [emits delicious aroma]

snot monster from outer space | January 29, 02:23 CET

Cooperism: "Damn good cherry pie with a cup of coffee."

I LOVE pie!!

Saje: he'll know we'd discuss his choice of breakfast cereal until the wee small hours (my money's on cornflakes, Kellog's, of course)

alexreager: And I totally think Joss is a FROSTED FLAKES guy, They're Greeeeeeeat!

Pfft Cornflakes! Frosted Flakes are the only way to go! (You totally stole my belated thought, alexreager!) But I would add bananas to the frosted flakes to get some yellow in there. :)

Of course, QuoterGal brings up a good point with needing caffeine for kids... so I thought that to kill 2 needs with one bowl would be FRUIT LOOPS, they're colorful, purple, sugared-up, & kid friendly!

korkster | January 29, 03:18 CET

Ugh, what is it with you Americans and your sugary cereal :) And don't get me started on sweetening all your bread

Let Down | January 29, 03:33 CET

No, the worst crime is sweetened peanut butter. Seriously. What was everyone thinking.

GVH | January 29, 08:33 CET

I dunno, murder's pretty bad ... Nope, you're right it's definitely sweetened peanut butter.

And sweetened bread ? Is up down now ? Cos I don't like it when up's down (I get acid reflux).

Whedonesqueism: One pie, lots of hi-larious fingers (you guys rahuuuuule ;).

(amidst a lot of very, err, stiff competition BTW I think B!x's "The hammer is my pieness." won last night's internet)

Saje | January 29, 10:42 CET

That was pretty great although, maybe because I'm a Beatles nut and partial to the odd obscure White Album reference, my vote goes to:

"Beatleism: Honey-pie, you are driving me crazy!
Wild Beatleism: I love you, yeah, honey-pie!"

Let Down | January 29, 11:41 CET

Not fair! I missed it and all the good pie puns are taken, I'd even thought of some variation on the "Cooper/cherry pie one, but got to the end of the thread, only to find that korkster had stolen it right out of my brain.

Eddie Izzard variation: Pie, or death?
Aztecs: human sacrifice, with pie.
Existentialism, Kirkengard: you eat pie and God dictates consequences.
Sartre: There is no God, but you are personally responsible for the decision to eat pie and the consequences of that decision.

Pretty lame, but I couldn't resist. ;)

edited for spelling & typos

[ edited by Shey on 2009-01-29 12:51 ]

[ edited by Shey on 2009-01-29 12:52 ]

Shey | January 29, 12:06 CET

I dunno, Saje--your Ventriloquism one really got me.

snot monster from outer space | January 29, 17:29 CET

You all are brilliant and should take a bow. I'm sorry I missed this thread yesterday, but I've been giggling at work this afternoon. Speaking of which, I must do some - work, that is. :)

Polygamist: I can have as many pies and tarts as I like.
Freud: Sometimes a pie is just a pie.

samatwitch | January 30, 02:34 CET

Hee hee, thanks for bumping this up in the Recent Comments, samatwitch - I missed it before!

catherine | January 30, 02:45 CET

The script (or a script) definitely appears to be circulating. Current count of people spotted on Twitter saying they've read it is now three. (Although they delete their tweets afterward.)

The One True b!X | January 30, 07:40 CET

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