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February 19 2017

What 'Buffy The Vampire Slayer' would look like if it were written by 4 famous authors. The authors Bustle pick are Haruki Murakami, J.K. Rowling, George R. R. Martin, and Roxane Gay.

Well, I'm not familiar with the other 3 writers, but when it comes to GRRM...err, no. This is not how GRRM writes. This is how people who haven't actually read his books and only know them through the HBO show and Internet memes think he writes. Conttary to popular cliches, he actually has not killed off that many characters propprtionally to how many characters there are in A Song of Ice and Fire. He kills off good guys, but he also kills off the bad guys. When he kills off a character or puts them through bad things, it has a narrative purpose and is never random and for shock. And most importantly, while ASOIAF is very dark, it's not a grimdark, nihilistic story with a message that everything is terrible or that goodness and honor are stupid and will always be punished. (That's show thing, because the Game of Thrones showrunners are among those who fundamentally misinterpret and misrepresent ASOIAF.

In fact, the whole "what if GRRM wrote Buffy" question is pointless, since Joss also likes tragedy, heartbreak, character deaths and characters going dark, but still embues the story with romanticism, so the answer would probably be "it wouldn't be much different from what Joss made it".

The idea that GRRM would kill Buffy in the 1st season also shows a fundamental misunderstanding of his narrative techniques. If we're going by the comparison to what he did in the first book, then no, GRRM would not kill Buffy; GRRM would fool 1st season viewers into thinking that Buffy's first Watcher Merrick is the show's protagonist and main hero. Then he would kill him off at the end of season 1 to move along the story of Buffy, the little girly teenage girl who's the story's real protagonist and hero, along with a bunch of other unlikely/atypical heroes such as Willow, Xander, Spike etc. who were always the real protagonists of the story, but the audience didn't realize that. A mentor/father figure dying for the heroes' development is in fact a very common heroic trope (and in this case also what happened in the real world history that GRRM was drawing inspiration from - see Wars of the Roses and Richard, Duke of York).
Interesting takes on Buffy, but for laughs this one that imagines Buffy as written by Ayn Rand takes the cake.
GILES: In every generation there is a Slayer. She is the Chosen One. She alone will stand against the forces of darkness —

BUFFY: What does it pay?

THIS! Exactly THIS!
Okay, the Ayn Rand one was pretty funny, and spot on. So, for that matter, was the Roxanne Gay one...
They all sound alike to me.

Except the Ayn Rand. Now that is funny.

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