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"You give it up for the Yorkie?"
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January 27 2003

From the home office in Sunnydale California... Top 100 Things I'd Do If I Ever Became An Evil Overlord. This is something that Big Bads in Mutant Enemy shows should have read. Or maybe something that Buffy's writers should consider when regarding The First's actions for the rest of the season.

The Master should have read #88: "If a group of henchmen fail miserably at a task, I will not berate them for incompetence then send the same group out to try the task again." I mean poking someone's eye out does not give them more incentive to get it right the second time. It lessens their chances of success.

Moloch the robotic demon in love with Willow should have checked out #50: "My main computers will have their own special operating system that will be completely incompatible with standard IBM and Macintosh powerbooks."

The Mayor should have paid attention to #34. "I will not turn into a snake. It never helps."

Trick had the right idea with the Slayer Slaughter Marathon, as is depicted in #44: "I will only employ bounty hunters who work for money. Those who work for the pleasure of the hunt tend to do dumb things like even the odds to give the other guy a sporting chance." Didn't do him any good though.

Spike might still be a major Big Bad thread if he had listened to #43: "I will maintain a healthy amount of skepticism when I capture the beautiful rebel and she claims she is attracted to my power and good looks and will gladly betray her companions if I just let her in on my plans." Although that did kinda work for The Mayor sorta, but he was smart enough not to have sex with Faith since he was a family man.

Adam didn't really have much control over the whole Room 314 thing, but once he took over he had ample time to move things around. It's a shame for him that Professor Walsh never heeded #65: "If I must have computer systems with publically available terminals, the maps they display of my complex will have a room clearly marked as the Main Control Room. That room will be the Execution Chamber. The actual main control room will be marked as Sewage Overflow Containment." That sounds more like an Adam contingency.

Glory made a lot of mistakes. She might have had more success if she took into consideration the following:
#49 - "If I learn the whereabouts of the one artifact which can destroy me [or the one thing that'd get me home], I will not send all my troops out to seize it. Instead I will send them out to seize something else and quietly put a Want-Ad in the local paper."
#55 - "The deformed mutants and odd-ball psychotics will have their place in my Legions of Terror. However before I send them out on important covert missions that require tact and subtlety, I will first see if there is anyone else equally qualified who would attract less attention."
#91 - "I will not ignore the messenger that stumbles in exhausted and obviously agitated until my personal grooming or current entertainment is finished. It might actually be important."

Do you see any others that bring to mind any Whedonesque villians over the years? Has The First made any of these mistakes yet? So far I think Angel's Beast has been acting as if he read this document. What do y'all think?

Angel should pay attention to #18: "I will not have a son. Although his laughably under-planned attempt to usurp power would easily fail, it would provide a fatal distraction at a crucial point in time." This mistake is definitely gonna bite him in the ass again.

And he definitely ignored #57, resulting in a nasty stint in a hell-dimension: "Before employing any captured artifacts or machinery, I will carefully read the owner's manual." Oops!

Tucker knew what he was about. He was a good example of #27: "I will never build only one of anything important. All important systems will have redundant control panels and power supplies. For the same reason I will always carry at least two fully loaded weapons at all times." Go geeks!

And just about every Big Bad who comes up against Buffy needs to remember #75: "I will instruct my Legions of Terror to attack the hero en masse, instead of standing around waiting while members break off and attack one or two at a time."

What happened to the one about sending out handsome youths to stand on my statue and call for my downfall on a weekly basis so that the populace becomes cynical and jaded? That was a good one.

And I don't think that the Beast is an Evil Overlord - just a killing machine. The Beast's master should probably be reading this though.
I will make several ludicrously erroneous maps to secret passages in my fortress and hire travellers to entrust them to aged hermits.

I like this one!

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