Whedonesque : Comments on 9548 : This explains Joss perfectly.

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February 15 2006

This explains Joss perfectly. Finally, a site that SAYS something.

Abusing links is the only way I know how to live. But I am here with a purpose, my friends. Call me joss Whedon: Rumor Crusher! (Or "Mister Fendendo", if we're being intimate.)

Since everyone's all abuzz with the CW rumor, I have to get all official and say: WE'VE STARTED FILMING NEW EPISODES! Of Dateline. I'm such a troll.

No, there haven't been any overtures from the CW as regards a SereniFly spin-off. I haven't even heard the orchestra tuning up. But if they happen to come calling, I do know what I would do:

1) In order to keep the show cost efficient, we would get rid of a few things we don't need, like spaceships, floors, and Jewel. (You thought I was gonna say 'costumes', didn't you? Porn guy.)

2) Nathan is busy making movies, but since I don't want new cast members, everybody in the cast would just move over one. Jewel (she's back!) would play Mal, Ron would play Kaylee, Morena would play Book, and so on.

3) People love a happy ending. So every episode, I will explain once again that I don't like people. And then Mal will shoot someone. Someone we like. And their puppy.

4) The actors can make up their dialogue. I'm bushed, and they're all funny, and the hell with it. Maybe I'll give them a premise to work off of, like "You're all in trouble" or "Wash has a thing". They could maybe light it too.

5) Klingons, but not alien Klingons. But still Klingons.

So already the show is running like a well oiled companion. I'm just proud to be a part of the Country Western network, and I know this will be their biggest hit since "Have Space-Gun, Will Travel."

I hope, as always, this clears things up. And I hope the executives at the Carnie Wilson network DO give me a call. I've got a million ideas for redoing their offices.

Power to the people who are powerful enough to crush the other people! -jossy.

joss | General | 07:15 CET | 163 comments total | tags: meet at the stick, cow-lamp, lappy, robot boots, joss post

Jossss stop procrastinating and finish your script!

narky | February 15, 07:19 CET

Oh no! Don't shoot the puppy!

SpikeBad | February 15, 07:20 CET

I thought it was Completely Whedon! Ok, I did think Country Western when I heard it but I prefer Completely Whedon.
And who is talking porn Mr. "Well oiled companion" Whedon ?

[ edited by Lioness on 2006-02-15 05:27 ]

Lioness | February 15, 07:24 CET

Now what was Joss saying about "Firefly"?

Sorry. I got distracted playing "Population: Tire."

rbt | February 15, 07:24 CET

I got distracted thinking about a well-oiled Companion.

C. A. Bridges | February 15, 07:27 CET

I vote for a 'Completely Whedon' channel as well. Remember, it's not HBO, it's Completely Whedon.

SpikeBad | February 15, 07:30 CET

Thanks for clearing things up Joss! Personally, I find the idea of Ron playing Kaylee extremely amusing - you should do that ;)

satine79 | February 15, 07:31 CET

Hee! At the risk of lese majesty, Joss, you are having exactly the same kind of writing evening that I am having. Except I have to write about Judeo-Christian historian Josephus. No spaceships, no companions that I can prove. Although he was a crafty bastard!

Now, go back to work. We minions have to have something to wait for.

cronopio | February 15, 07:33 CET

Well, boohoo about Serenity/Firefly.

I just have one word to say to you: Spikemovie.

Reddygirl | February 15, 07:35 CET

Joss, do you need someone to stand over your shoulder and tsk disapprovingly until you've buckled down and finished the writing? 'Cause I could totally be that guy. Where should I send the resume?

Thanks for clearin' up that pesky rumor!

RambleOn623 | February 15, 07:35 CET

Just have to say Homestarrunner? very cool site! I loved the shout out to it at the end of Buffy :) Consumate Vs people!!

And Serenity would so work as a bollywood movie. Especially if all the actors have moved over one character :)

vera | February 15, 07:35 CET

On the contrary. You've solved act 3, take the night off! No, don't thank me.

Lioness | February 15, 07:37 CET

Haha, I was just watching one of the Teen Girl Squad cartoons a few minutes before coming here.

AuburnTiger | February 15, 07:45 CET

There's going to be extreme Google and Homestar Runner product placement in Wonder Woman, isn't there?

The Dark Shape | February 15, 07:46 CET

Okay, I clicked, saw Homestar (but where was Strongbad???) and got damp...then read the note from Joss and am all weak and tumbly...

Want some new Joss stuff...that's on TV or in a movie...

Chris inVirginia | February 15, 07:50 CET

Well, that certainly clears everything up. Thanks, joss!

spikeangellover | February 15, 07:52 CET

New Joss TV.....I just saw The Girl In Question. Although many people think it's out of place or filler. I think of it as the come before the storm. Our last piece of Angel/Dru/Darla/Spike history, our last episode of pure laughs, and a nicely directed episode by David Greenwalt. Now on to Power Play and Not Fade Away.

ChosenOne5376 | February 15, 07:53 CET

Can someone give me the correct directions to the stick? I don't want to miss the meeting.

The One True b!X | February 15, 07:54 CET

And Wash would come back to life, right? Ha! :P Thanks for the rumor crushing 'n all.

Masa | February 15, 07:57 CET

Mister Fendendo, thank you for clearing up the squalble! Don't feel pressured to continue working on the script, hey...just throw a premise at your WW and let her work from there!
Sounds good, but only if you don't mind never working again.

Can I just say, your a bistardo, cause ya totally fooled me for a nanosecond there!!!!

[ edited by nixygirl on 2006-02-15 05:59 ]

nixygirl | February 15, 07:58 CET

I know Joss is trying to be funny- but this SereniFly series would still be better then most of what I watch these days.

nna_funk | February 15, 08:08 CET

Boy, then, we better figure out what Nathan, Morena and all were doing when they were over at the CW talking things up, 'cause Kristin of E!Online sure was sure something was on the up and up. Could it be a new Buffy, featuring Nathan as wacky but evil preacher Caleb, Morena as potential slayerette Inara, starring in Buffy: The Next Generation?

Dana5140 | February 15, 08:12 CET

Two days in a row! Definitely writer's block and procrastination going on there.

Did Joss link to a completely black screen?

[ edited by Nebula1400 on 2006-02-15 06:15 ]

Nebula1400 | February 15, 08:13 CET

Did Joss link to a completely black screen?

No. You must not have Flash installed.

The One True b!X | February 15, 08:15 CET

Joss, my man, you need to get have a TV prescence once again. Aside from "Lost", nothing hits me like Buffy and Angel did.

Which has allowed me to heal up a bit, but I'm a telemasochist. I want my TV shows to kick my ass again.

AlterLeo | February 15, 08:18 CET

cow-lamp

OMG shout-out! JOSS LOVES ME!!

Or just cows and lamps in general, such that the sublime combination would of course be pleasing to his complex yet addled psyche.

Polter-Cow | February 15, 08:19 CET

No. You must not have Flash installed.

I have a sucky old computer that can't run anything above OS 9.2. Flash is installed, but I guess the f-ing capitalists are conspiring to get every last penny I don't have to see the %$#ing page.

Nebula1400 | February 15, 08:19 CET

Well, darn.

Also... TROGDOR!

Craig Oxbrow | February 15, 08:21 CET

What, people don't use tags anymore? I think someone should ban this joker until he learns his lesson.

I'm eagerly looking forward to the episode where Wash has that thing, but it turns out it's a puppy, and he's hiding it from ~~Kaylee~~ Mal. And it's Jayne's turn to cook dinner. Wackiness ensues.

kishi | February 15, 08:21 CET

Me, I'm awaiting the episode where Book's hair escapes from his head and takes up residence on River's upper lip.

"Simon, my moustache is touching my BRAIN!"

The One True b!X | February 15, 08:25 CET

nebula1400, I'm still on dialup, quite by choice...I salute you in your dinosaurdom, and I say unto thee, *solidarity!*

cronopio | February 15, 08:27 CET

All HAIL JOSS!!!
All HAIL JOSS!!!
All HAIL JOSS!!!
All HAIL JOSS!!!
All HAIL JOSS!!!

I do the master's bidding!

hbojo | February 15, 08:27 CET

Well, pretty much what we all figured, but nice (in a sad, couldn't-it-have-been-true way) to have it settled once and for all. Thanks for clearing it up Joss.
I wonder if Kristin will mention the rumor was wrong in her next column....

acp | February 15, 08:28 CET

Joss, so you're saying there's a connection between the CW and Firefly?

What about Ben and Glory?

NickSeng | February 15, 08:28 CET

Very sad about the silent phone and crushed rumor. Rumorville is a happy if misleading place. A teasing flirt (like chese!)of a place but still...happy for a time.
Ah well. Thanks for the posts, Mr. Fendendo.
Mr. F, huh? Of AD infamy, perhaps?

Syren | February 15, 08:36 CET

Ahhh Ben and Glory just never get old do they!

nixygirl | February 15, 08:38 CET

Wait a sec NickSeng, you're telling me that there is some sort of connection between Ben and Glory? I wonder what it is.

SpikeBad | February 15, 08:40 CET

And you know what? He could have just said "No!". But this is Joss we're talking about. And I'm glad he wasn't that brief. Cause the only thing that's more delightful than reading the written words of Joss is hearing the spoken words of Joss.
Thanks for the confirmation anyway. Not that I got my hopes up (way too jaded for that) but some appearently did and it's always best to sqwash them while they're fresh if there's nothing to it.

Djungelurban | February 15, 08:45 CET

"Everybody's different. No two people are not on fire. Awwwww."

binky | February 15, 08:45 CET

Jossy - you bad, bad man...

Porn guy, indeed... well-oiled campanion, in further deed...
Oh and lets not omit - Kaylee, but really Mal, in tightpants with gun at the ready...aiming at a puppy - Whoa!!

Phew, I DO hope the executives at CW give you a call. Are you asking us for help?;)!??

Well, thanks for the clarification - always good to have you drop in.

coolpeace | February 15, 08:47 CET

So here's the thing. I want to be a proper fan boy. I obsess endlessly over everything you've done, but I'm running out of material. Please post something else inane so I can obsess over it endlessly. Or make another TV show/movie, that works too.

Anusien | February 15, 08:48 CET

Do you have to kill the puppy? I mean why is it always the puppy?

escapist_dream | February 15, 08:59 CET

:D Thanks for clearing that up, Mister Fendendo. In the spirit of Valentine's Day (one more minute in this timezone!) I loooooooooooooove YOU(r work). ;)

non sequitur | February 15, 09:00 CET

Well, Joss, if you're really having problems with procrastination, watch this video. Sure fired cure: RIGHT HERE

And hey, a Sonics reference! Nice going.

I thought it was quite disgusting Kristin going around getting peoples hopes so high when she had nothing even close to proof. I'm glad her false hopes can finally be squelched...

zimshan | February 15, 09:06 CET

2) Nathan is busy making movies, but since I don't want new cast members, everybody in the cast would just move over one. Jewel (she's back!) would play Mal, Ron would play Kaylee, Morena would play Book, and so on.

Brilliant! Why didn't I think of that? Oh, I know. Because I'm not Joss. Sounds like a good plan though. I can't wait to see Sean in Inara's dresses.

electricspacegirl | February 15, 09:09 CET

Yep, Joss is definitely procrastinating now. ;)

hrlo | February 15, 09:13 CET

Is it just me who sees "CW" and thinks "Crack Whore"? What is wrong with me?

Mort | February 15, 09:19 CET

"Joss, do you need someone to stand over your shoulder and tsk disapprovingly until you've buckled down and finished the writing? 'Cause I could totally be that guy. Where should I send the resume?"
To hell with that! RambleOn623 has no competition there. But where do I send my resume for the "well-oiled companion"? As long as it's Mister Fendendo's. . . . Hope I didn't offend, your Josship. But it *is* still Valentine's day in this time zone for another 4+ hours. . . . And I'm still at work and wondering why. . . . (Sorry. I get paid by the elipsis. . . .)
And give it up for the Yorkie. . . .

SangChaud | February 15, 09:23 CET

Okay, now I'm miffed. I posted because we were literally getting calls from people's agents, so I had to officially speak up and I chose this forum and everybody accuses me of procrastinating when I wasn't even! (I was reading a book.) So quit picking on me, didn't you hear I had my license to write revoked by that angry comics guy? I'm very vulnerable right now.

Call Waiting
CatWoman
Cal Worthington
Candy Wrapper
Chuck Woolery...

Nope. Can't top Crack Whore.

joss | February 15, 09:30 CET

It could all be done with muppets.

Arabchick | February 15, 09:37 CET

Joss, he was talking about Josh Whedon, no worries.

jfhlbuffy | February 15, 09:38 CET

Don't be miffed. Be Joss. Very happy about the consecutive links, I am. And so are we all, methinks.

SoddingNancyTribe | February 15, 09:38 CET

Chuck Woolery! That name never fails to make me laugh.

electricspacegirl | February 15, 09:40 CET

Carnivorously Waiting... come on Jossy! I need good news!

GimpyD | February 15, 09:41 CET

Joss, he was talking about Josh Whedon, no worries.

Wheldon, it's Josh Wheldon. Why are people always munging the guy's name?

The One True b!X | February 15, 09:41 CET

Rumor bad! Joss smash!

Thanks, joss, for the terrific link which instantly went into my favorites. For several years now I've read of Strongbad in passing, but I never quite got the reference. I clicked (and as another member of the OS 9.2-on-dialup club, was amazed the videos all played for me), giggled and guffawed until I made snorty noises and it's all so very clear to me now that you're actually 12 years old. Which is perfectly lovely, and also explains why you'd rather hang around online with us than do your WW homework. (Allegedly, of course!)

(I'm also not working on a project that's due tomorrowish, so it's good to know I'm not the only one. Maybe a midnight snack? Mmm, corndog batter...)

Wiseblood | February 15, 09:45 CET

Thanks. Now I've wasted the better part of an evening playing Peasant Quest. Curse you, Joss Whedon!

binky | February 15, 09:54 CET

Thanks for clearing that up.

Crack Whore. That's funny.

Now, not to go all threadjacker on you, but do you mind throwing some more cryptic at us so we can try to decipher that password into the Shadows forum on the goners site? Cuz I really don't fancy having another dream of gossi whispering it in my ear. :)

Turtle | February 15, 09:57 CET

Wait a sec NickSeng, you're telling me that there is some sort of connection between Ben and Glory? I wonder what it is.

Did someone say that Glory was the CW (crack whore)?

[ edited by NickSeng on 2006-02-15 08:05 ]

NickSeng | February 15, 10:04 CET

The rumor that launched the thousand agents.

delirium_haze | February 15, 10:05 CET

How long do you rekon it'll be before we start seeing CrackWhore as a username?
Nice one Mort!

No-ones accusing you of procrastination Joss (if you only read every second post). Problem is we're all drying out, without our weekly fix.
No pressure! ; )

[ edited by nixygirl on 2006-02-15 08:20 ]

nixygirl | February 15, 10:11 CET

Wait, Glory's the crack whore? And Inara's a companion, which Mal likes to call a whore. And as we all know, crack is a drug, which makes you nothing. So crack is nothing. So take the crack out of crack whore, and it's just regular whore. Like Inara. So they must know each other, and since Glory's a god, Inara must be a God too! But a time travelling God so she could come back in time to know Glory. And since Inara knew Glory, it's possible she fought Buffy.

So what you're saying is that it's possible for a show to feature characters from both verses!

jfhlbuffy | February 15, 10:11 CET

I have a friend from college we call Crack Whore. I wonder if she knows about her new network...

Rogue Slayer | February 15, 10:13 CET

'Crack Whore' is indeed unbeatable. And no one is more entertaining when he's procrastinating than Joss. My main problem is that my brain keeps creating visuals from the line 'well-oiled companion'....

EdDantes | February 15, 10:14 CET

Woot! Another Joss post, and scarcely any time has gone by!

And more Homestar Runner. That's good stuff. :) I'm totally geeking out.

AnotherFireflyfan | February 15, 10:17 CET

Nope. Can't top Crack Whore.

Mort shoots. He scores! ;-)

Yeah, come on, peeps, give Mr. F (lol) a break! Shooting down ~~a 78 year old lawyer hunting quail from a car~~ rumors is certainly worth taking 10 minutes away from your other work. Especially since we've been posting dozens of threads about them. Even agents were buying the rumors. Whoa. We needed the rumor control -- thanks!! :-)

billz | February 15, 10:18 CET

Maybe I'll give them a premise to work off of, like "You're all in trouble" or "Wash has a thing".

Dude. That's not even funny. I would, like, seriously watch a Firefly series starring actual fireflies if Wash would be resurrected (though not all scary and traumatizing like with Buffy).

And...yay for the Homestar Runner love!

"Where have all the parsnips gone?"

UnpluggedCrazy | February 15, 10:21 CET

Oh Joss! If you could possibly cast Dick Cheney as Mal...he could shoot people. He may draw the line at puppies though...

Rogue Slayer | February 15, 10:26 CET

Joss, we all love it when ya post.
However, ya gotta know it's kinda nice telling the boss to get back to work tho!

nixygirl | February 15, 10:28 CET

Hey Joss, what's up? Can you play the guitar? ( http://homestarrunner.com/sbemail36.html ) Meedley meedley meedley....

I miss having a weekly Joss TV fix. A televised improv theater hour from the whedonverse actors would be an acceptable (temporary) substitute--at least until you have time for a scripted series.

*cue Crack Whore campaigning*

Lunakitty | February 15, 10:31 CET

A televised improv theater hour from the whedonverse actors would be an acceptable (temporary) substitute...

Holy mycrap.

All we need now is a rumor that this is on its way. ;)

The One True b!X | February 15, 10:43 CET

-grin- I love you too Joss.

holymother | February 15, 10:43 CET

If the boss was getting calls from people's agents cos of a FF rumor... wow, that's powerful. Will this also bump the FF set on the Amazon sales chart?

StaffOSimon | February 15, 10:46 CET

An improv version of Firefly.

That might just work....

What? Wr're trying to STOP rumors? Why does nobody tell me anything?

zz9 | February 15, 10:49 CET

*cue Crack Whore campaigning*

All I need to know is when will Firefly be availble on iCrackWhore?

[ edited by NickSeng on 2006-02-15 08:59 ]

NickSeng | February 15, 10:59 CET

Dare I ask what 'lappy' means? Or will the answer scare me in hitherto unthought-of ways.

Poster Boy | February 15, 11:00 CET

And the kamikaze rumor lint settles to the floor once again, but don’t think it’s satisfied, oh no, the lint shall return.
It always does.
Sometimes in your pants.
Though right now it’s in Kristin’s pants.
Please don’t go looking in Kristin’s Pants.

Epona | February 15, 11:03 CET

This topic is amusing and insane. Please continue everyone ;-)

GVH | February 15, 11:07 CET

Cheesy Whim?

holymother | February 15, 11:15 CET

Dare I ask what 'lappy' means?

You must click the link. And explore.

See you in a few months.

The One True b!X | February 15, 11:15 CET

While I love Firefly and Serenity to death, I'm also a realist and knew that this story was too good to be true. The movie didn't do as well as hoped. The plucky crew got their second chance at life and didn't quite make it all the way. It was a valiant effort and I for one am happy the effort was made, but it's time to let this go . . . until such a time when Joss says, "NO! DON'T LET GO! I'M NOT FINISHED YET!" and then I'll be waiting with great anticipation. But I won't be holding my breath 'cause I likes to breathe. ;)

RogueScribner | February 15, 11:23 CET

I'm in awe. That's all I can say.

*adopts serious fandom mode* Thanks for clearing that up. The rumour was starting to get out of hand.

Simon | February 15, 11:23 CET

Dude, I wouldn't say that's a site that says something. I'd say that's a site that never stops talking, HELP ME!

Poster Boy | February 15, 11:34 CET

Joss,

I hate to break it to you, but they are making Firefly season 2 without you. Every one signed on and Tim Minear will be the show runner.

You see Drive was just a cover story to confuse people. Ask Kristin, she has the full story.

Zoic_Fan | February 15, 11:37 CET

Carnie Wilson network?
Yeah, that's funny...and shows this WBUPN merger needs a better network name...and lots of Joss and his minions, of course.
If only it was the Constantly Whedon Network.

[ edited by impalergeneral on 2006-02-15 10:07 ]

impalergeneral | February 15, 11:40 CET

An improv version of Firefly.

That might just work....

Nathan has done improv...
Nathan, you out there? You got called back to work... Oh no horror, you're busy!!

coolpeace | February 15, 11:50 CET

A well-oiled companion? *blush* Happy Valentine's Day to you too, Joss!

Samantha | February 15, 12:45 CET

Wow, I've woken up to Joss twice this week! No whoring here though. Ahem.
Simon - your serious fandom mode gave me this image of Joss-as-Anya and Kristen-as-Xander.
'Stopped that nonsense just in time'.
ETA: morning spelling = not good.

[ edited by lone fashionable wolf on 2006-02-15 11:10 ]

lone fashionable wolf | February 15, 13:09 CET

Thank you for coming here and dashing our hopes in a way to make us laugh out loud (at work!). Procrastination is an important part of any artistic process - actually, any process really (that I'm in, at least). Just love to hear from you :-)

sasja | February 15, 13:26 CET

So to read between the lines:

WE'VE STARTED FILMING NEW ... troll ... Porn ... w .. i .. t .. h ... a well oiled companion

Quick, someone call Kristen ! Rarely have I seen harder evidence of future plans.

Always great to hear from His Purple Procrastinatiness (even if it is a rumour crushing, puppy shooting extravaganza).

Saje | February 15, 13:33 CET

Hey Joss,

I guess I have to stop interpreting your babbling, then. Or I could go and interprete something with substance. Like the Utilization of False Gossip in Internet Business. Or I rewatch Season 4 of 24, imagining Kristin as Paul Reynes in the electro-torture scene. :)
But now I am procrastinating. So back to work.

And thanks, Joss, for making things crystal clear.

Harridan | February 15, 14:06 CET

How we get viewed outside the goldfish bowl.

Moviehole.net coverage

Ain't It Cool News coverage

Expect to see Sci Fi Wire and maybe Slashdot.org and TV Guide mentions as well.

Simon | February 15, 14:07 CET

Wow, two Joss posts in less than a week. Our visitor charts must be exploding.

Well, it's bummer that we won't get a new SerenFly on tv, but it would be really cool to have some Joss-ness back on tv. Well besides car-salesman cameos, really gracing us with some new ingenious creation.

Numfar PTB | February 15, 14:23 CET

Numfar that was car rental person. ; )
*pokey poke poke*

[ edited by nixygirl on 2006-02-15 13:10 ]

nixygirl | February 15, 15:10 CET

Two Joss posts in a week! Thanks for squashing the rumor. Keep working on the Spike Movie ;)

The Do That Girl | February 15, 15:23 CET

Yay for more Joss postage (thanks for the the rumour crushage) and yay for homestarrunner. Trogdor is awesome.

Paul_Rocks | February 15, 15:48 CET

Who this Joss person is and why all the hubbub?

I also wonder what book he's reading while we ALL procrastinate!

Grace | February 15, 16:12 CET

Here's hoping it's War & Peace with the dog eared corners to boot.

escapist_dream | February 15, 16:27 CET

As said, great to wake up to a Joss post two mornings in the week. It just makes me sorry I am going to be computerless for the next three days. What might I miss?!?

Thanks for setting us straight Joss.

newcj | February 15, 16:36 CET

Wait, wait, I think I got it. You know how politicians always tell you they are not doing something when they really are? So, isn't it obvious, they really ARE moving forward with SereniFly! Damn it, Joss, why aren't you a politician? If you were, at least the puppies would survive. They'd be needed for the photo ops.

Dana5140 | February 15, 17:00 CET

Nothing like a good rumor crushing to start the day off right. :)

That link! OMG, I want to watch them all...right now, but I have to go to work. Thanks Joss.

supersymetry | February 15, 17:02 CET

Dudes, we need some serious fandom rumours again now!

Goners!

I am ~~Ace Rimmer~~Kevin Beaumont, and I heard DICK CHENEY has been cast as Violet, and CHRIS ROCK as Mia, in a heart warming fantasy tale about the human condition, the barriers we build to protect ourselves and to avoid connection. It also features a 54 minute musical number about the value of waffles.

Drive!

What they didn't tell you is that it's actually Angel Season 6 - on the road.

Serenifly

I saw Nathan Fillion having a piss. The show shall return!

[ edited by gossi on 2006-02-15 15:07 ]

gossi | February 15, 17:06 CET

Dudes, we need some serious fandom rumours again now!

The only rumour we'll be spreading is that the walrus was Paul. Nothing else.

Simon | February 15, 17:09 CET

The only rumour we'll be spreading is that the walrus was Paul. Nothing else.

I could write a book about that. Oh, wait.

gossi | February 15, 17:17 CET

Do you have to kill the puppy? I mean why is it always the puppy?
escapist_dream | February 15, 06:59 CET

Because it´s an evil puppy. No wait, that was a dream.

Thank Joss,I mean jossy, for the info.

Este | February 15, 17:25 CET

That's no rumour. That's the truth. "I have another clue for you all. The walrus was Paul"
And why is this significant for the Whedonworld? Anyone?

Lioness | February 15, 17:26 CET

Somehow, I get the feeling of a deep third act depression. Joss, you helped me getting over mine, so I am quite sure, that you will make it. WW will become a great script :) Your tip, that helped me: Get rid of the very scene, you wrote the script for. Glad to give it back ;)

Snugels | February 15, 17:32 CET

Ok, let me get this straight, the fans all knew that Kristin was full of it (see earlier thread), but agents were actually calling Joss to find out?

killinj | February 15, 17:34 CET

Ok, let me get this straight, the fans all knew that Kristin was full of it (see earlier thread), but agents were actually calling Joss to find out?

We're more sensible than agents. :-)

billz | February 15, 17:45 CET

...since I don't want new cast members, everybody in the cast would just move over one. Jewel (she's back!) would play Mal, Ron would play Kaylee, Morena would play Book, and so on.

Ah...so, are we to expect that River will now be played by our illustrious host, Mr. Adam Baldwin? If so, I'm gonna be in the front row!

As always, it's wonderful wonderful to hear from The JW, aka Mr. Fefendo. Hey Joss, keep looking SO GOOD!!! : )

AmazonGirl | February 15, 18:05 CET

Okay Paul_Rocks....thanks for making all my coworkers come in to stare at me! TROOOOOGDOOOOOOOOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hee hee hee! Love it. Oh, and may I add to the Spikemovie chorus of Spikemovie joy and glee about future Joss Spikemovie projects on the Crack Whore network? Spikemovie.

Miss Edith | February 15, 18:07 CET

Your tip, that helped me: Get rid of the very scene, you wrote the script for

Unless it's the scene where she twirls round and changes into her spandex swimming costume cos we really need that one. Really.

We're more sensible than agents. :-)

True, billz, and yet they're the ones swanning off with 10 % of the fee. There just ain't no justice ;).

Saje | February 15, 18:12 CET

We are all just mud-makers in Josstown.

alexreager | February 15, 18:20 CET

OMG two joss posts in less than a week, we are blessed....or he is slacking. Either was, great to hear from him again.

pongluver | February 15, 18:44 CET

I'm presuming Joss has been busy with Amazon.com, shopping his life away.

I have learned the hard way: if you want to acheive in life, stay offline.

gossi | February 15, 18:52 CET

Maybe you could clone yourself and relegate cloned Joss to the small screen...perhaps on a little network I like to call Cloned Whedon?

stbooth12 | February 15, 19:27 CET

my first thought re CW was as follows (though I love Crack Whore)
I think the Frog network has mated with the Used Parts Network and their offspring has mutated into the CoW network as in:
had a CoW
he/she/it is a stupid CoW
waiting for the CoWs to come home

P.S. Hi Joss!

redfern | February 15, 19:40 CET

"I posted because we were literally getting calls from people's agents"

Okay so the only way we can get Joss to post to Whedonesque semi-regularly is to sic people's agents on him? I never got around to getting myself an agent. Maybe now I have a reason to do so, if nothing more than to pester Whedon to post more to Whedonesque.

I thought agents existed just to convince you to buy new headshots.

"Nope. Can't top crack whore."

I see "CW" and I think "Water Closet" but then I might be getting dyslexically british in my old age.

ZachsMind | February 15, 19:56 CET

their offspring has mutated into the CoW network

The Council of Watchers is online now? They are moving with the times.

[ edited by Mehitabel on 2006-02-15 17:58 ]

Mehitabel | February 15, 19:57 CET

Joss? Thanks for stopping by. We like to hear from you - can you tell?

m'cookies actual | February 15, 19:58 CET

LOL! There's nothing like waking up to a Joss post and all the attendant fun, except well, maybe a well-oiled companion.

Thanks, Joss, for the jolly rumor-crushing. If any crushing is to be done, I'd want you to do it, puppies and all. Okay, maybe not the puppies. Okay, okay, take the puppies, but no kittens!

Gossi, LOVE your idea for Drive! We should take Tim's pilot script, change the names to Angel, Spike, etc., then pitch it to the Crack Whore network. I hear Chuck Woolery is in charge and he'd probably love it! Get Carnie Wilson to exec produce and we're in business!

And now I must get back to work before you all seduce me with your well-oiled companionship!

punkinpuss | February 15, 20:18 CET

Mehitabel
Council of Watchers
I missed that. Sigh.
I guess I was too focused on farm animals...

redfern | February 15, 20:25 CET

Wow. I never knew the word 'Klingon' could sound so orgasmic.

mr_holzoff | February 15, 20:26 CET

What's a Joss?

smog | February 15, 20:46 CET

Thanks for the giggles, Joss. Can't wait for Wonder Woman!

Eden | February 15, 20:49 CET

This is awesome. Thanx for quashing the rumours. And in terms of CoW network and cow-lamp well you know its great and all...but we need more cowbell... thats what we need... or at least I need... to cure my fever. And if you have no idea what I am talking about... check out this video (Warning to Joss & others: more procrastination......) More Cowbell!!
ETA: changed link to a video of lower resolution but the sound is not out of sync...I can watch this over and over... and over..

[ edited by kurya on 2006-02-15 19:37 ]

kurya | February 15, 21:17 CET

Two Joss front page links and a Joss post. Had enough Jossness for the week? If not, then check out Joss on the Veronica Mars "Rat Saw God" which is repeating tonight...

dcubed | February 15, 21:21 CET

kurya: that is SOOO funny - and its one of my favorite songs

redfern | February 15, 21:27 CET

One of my all-time favorite SNL skits, kurya :-)
A Will Farrell classic, along with him doing Robert Goulet...

acp | February 15, 21:41 CET

Is it too early to start the "Crack Whores Love Veronica Mars" save-our-show campaign?

Oh, and thanks Joss -- don't know how you knew it was a bad week for me, health-wise, and you should get all post-y, but you did.

kalia | February 15, 21:48 CET

[FADE IN ON EXT: SERENITY IN SPACE superimposed on screen as Serenity turns and flies away from screen is title sequence: ZACH RAMBLE 416 -- JOSS IS A BOOGER]

ZACH: Quashing rumors? Joss is perpetuating rumors! Don't you guys see? It's all a plot! You think he did the Session 416 thing just to be artsy?

[CUT TO INT: MEDIEVAL CASTLE THRONE ROOM. Zach is standing several feet away from a banquet table covered in breads, meats, puddings and colorful pastries. Behind him there are extras dressed as servants, and one dressed as a network executive in a suit and dark glasses. He stands out and doesn't belong. He looks twitchy. Zach stands and delivers his lines to the camera]

ZACH: Session 416 was blatant guerilla marketing that just happened to also be artsy.. and damn good, but shush he might still be listening. We don't wanna give Joss a big head. Imagine how he'd start behaving if he found out we worship him like a god. Shush don't tell him.

[ZACH WALKS AWAY FROM TABLE AND CROSSES ROOM. Camera pans and follows him as we see the servants attack the lone network executive with pots and pans and food. Zach ignores the display.]

ZACH: Why Whedon didn't just turn the camera on to show Tudyk and Baldwin lipsynching to Aretha Franklin I dunno. It woulda been a lot cheaper. Is there a single person on this planet who can honestly say they saw the R. Tam Sessions and that was the reason they went to see the movie? I think not.

[CUT SCENE: one second of random stock footage shot of a fountain pen]

VOICE OVER: [raspy] Cut them down!

[INT: MEDIEVAL CASTLE THRONE ROOM. Zach is now a small figure in the very large room and camera is slowly zooming on him as it takes in the entire room. An entourage of people enter in surrounding a redheaded man wearing a crown on his head. They make a big deal of him and fawn over him and direct him to the throne in the middle of the room. They're too far away for us to see distinct faces, and camera focuses on Zach who is closer in foreground as it slowly zooms to a loose waist shot, all the time the ruckus of the entourage distantly affecting the background, and slowly increases as more extras enter the room.]

ZACH: I see threads like this and it's like watching Joss walk into an empty throne room with a golden (Burger King) crown tilted haphazardly on his head, sit at the place of honor, and then all the rest of us parade into the room dressed like jesters and wizards and royal guards and peasant townspeople and we're all vying for his attention and one another's attention and he just sits back with his arms crossed, maybe a good looking chick in his lap. Joss appearances in Whedonesque are like rennaissance faires, only they don't smell quite as bad.

[CUT SCENE: one second of random stock footage shot of a chicken]

VOICE OVER: [raspy] She's a real beauty ain't she?!

ZACH: It's pretty frickin' cool. It should happen more often. Joss should post every day from now on and just make something up. Or tell us the truth. Like how the heck can we tell the difference? He could report on toe jam to eye dirt ratio and we'd all come runnin'.

[Camera continues to slowly zoom in on Zach's face from a waist shot to a bust shot and then near extreme close up. By now, the room Zach is in is a bustle of activity and we can barely hear Zach over the noise. People are dancing, throwing food at each other, singing, drinking, pouring drinks on each other and being generally rowdy. A green severed Lorne head is being tossed about like a beach ball. Everyone's fawning over the guy in the distance sitting at the throne, but we still can't make out who it is. Zach is predominantly ignoring the activity around him but does have to raise his voice a little by now to be heard.]

ZACH: Oh and one more thing! Spike movie? We don't need no stinkin' Spike movie. We need an OZ movie! Now, an Oz movie with Spike in it by pure coincidence would be ideal, but I don't want a Spike movie that just happens to have Oz in it. That would suck.

[The hand of someone off camera aims a rubber chicken at Zach's head. Zach smiles.]

Excuse me. I have to go cater to the groundlings. For Whedonesque News, I'm ZachsMind reporting. Back to you Bob.

FADE TO SUEDE

[ edited by ZachsMind on 2006-02-15 19:57 ]

ZachsMind | February 15, 21:56 CET

First VM was pulled from the schedule for the next month, and now Joss has killed my pipe dream of Firefly returning. There is no reason to even get out of bed anymore, is there?

Seriously though, I hope that you could one day return to TV. And, thanks for coming and leveling with us. It sucks to have our hopes dashed, but it's better knowing. I think.

Bspalek | February 15, 22:08 CET

VM was pulled for the month so that they could get a stronger lead in than what they have scheduled right now. But truth is, things ain't looking good for VM, much as I hate to say it. It is so infinitely better than Lost, where the writers seem to be making it up as they go along. What Lost needs is more Fury, or maybe Joss stepping in- though that would mean the dog would go...

Dana5140 | February 15, 22:19 CET

I sooo love this new game! The CW Network might stand indeed for:

The Cyke/Wolwerine Network: all day long debates between Scott and Logan

The "Cheney, What the...?" Network: 24/7 network about the most embarrassing moments of the possible future ex-vp

The "Couldweallagreetoletjossgobacktoworkonhisscriptfor Wonderwoman?" Network (the answer is no of course)

[ edited by Yorick on 2006-02-15 20:26 ]

Yorick | February 15, 22:22 CET

Crummy Weather (we are having lately)
Crabby Whining
Chilled Wine
Creative Writing

redfern | February 15, 22:31 CET

"In a world where everyone lives their dreams, in a world where too much is never enough, in a world where people who speak in theatres go to that special hell with the lawyers, meet the people of Whedonesque Town -- Crack Whores(tm), well oiled companions(tm), the friendly neighbourhood handyman Ace Rimmer(tm), Klingons(tm) and mysterious Puppy Killers(tm)."

There's a Psychology Ph.D. thesis here somewhere.

PS I'm not even going to touch the Completely Whedon Channel(tm)

PPS I'm so with the well oiled companion.

Drifter | February 15, 22:53 CET

Chattering Wombat
Creased Woolies
Covert Waxing
Crazy Wiggins (as in, "I've got a wiggins...")
Canit Work?
Creaky Writing

This is fun... :-)
Though I still like Crack Whore. (And "Cheney, What?!?")

acp | February 15, 22:53 CET

What Lost needs is more Fury

Fury has left Lost, for info.

gossi | February 15, 22:56 CET

Cold Weather
Crazy Wiccans
Clem Wannabes
Crude Weebles (they wobble but the DON'T fall down)
Cute Welling (in honor of Tom)

[ edited by Miss Edith on 2006-02-15 21:20 ]

Miss Edith | February 15, 23:18 CET

Can't Win.

Nebula1400 | February 15, 23:23 CET

I haven't watched Lost in months. They should call it "a dozen or so characters in search of a plot." I kinda got bored with it when they started doing that countdown thing with the computer and they'll all blow up maybe if they don't enter a key code? What's next? The Flying Wallendas? I'm outtie.

Joss already told Wonder Woman's story. You may have heard of it. It's called "Buffy the Vampire Slayer."

[ edited by ZachsMind on 2006-02-15 21:26 ]

ZachsMind | February 15, 23:25 CET

Coddled Whelks
Competitive Wussery
Crooning Wallabies
Criminal Widgeteers
Carnal Witchery
Crap Watchers (yep, I went there)

Saje | February 15, 23:33 CET

Joss, I am sure you must be exhausted with all that you have on your plate. We appreciate the "official word" and have confidence that our beloved "verses" of Buffy/Angel/Firely will continue if given the opportunity.

Just remember rest is overrated and for the dead. Unless your undead.....but then again even they kick up their feet once in while and partake in a BLOODY MARY (pun intended).

DarenG | February 15, 23:38 CET

Collectively Whedonesque ;-)

Miss Edith | February 15, 23:43 CET

ZachsMind - I'm loosing interest myself...

Other than 24 & House there's nothing else I want to watch. I am still pissed off re the stupid 2 part Grey's Anatomy. Stupid gratuitous shower scene with no naked McDreamy and stupid unnecessary blown up bomb disposal people. Any why the hell weren't they all wearing face shields!!! And can I smack Meredith up side the head? Grump.

Since I already read 3-4 books a week I need to do something else otherwise my eyes will be stuck focusing about a foot from my nose.

Oh, Duh! I have 13 Whedon seasons and a bonus movie I can re-watch!

redfern | February 15, 23:43 CET

Get a hold of the British series 'Life On Mars'. You won't be disappointed. It's my favourite show at the moment.

Simon | February 16, 00:02 CET

Joss already told Wonder Woman's story. You may have heard of it. It's called "Buffy the Vampire Slayer."

I must have missed the season where she lived on an island, isolated, in her teens.

gossi | February 16, 00:13 CET

Get a hold of the British series 'Life On Mars'. You won't be disappointed. It's my favourite show at the moment.

Oh, definitely. Absolutely fantastic show. I was terrified he was going to die this week and it'd be the last one.

Mehitabel | February 16, 00:53 CET

Tonight, on the Cranky Wookiee Channel:

"These aren't the shows we're looking for. Move along."

brownishcoat | February 16, 01:13 CET

CW ... = "Call Whedon" as an imparative for the executives, like "We need a new show? Call Whedon!" ( or Minear or Fury or ... I´ll stop now !)

Kessie | February 16, 01:17 CET

Chiming in with the 'Life on Mars' love.

Caroline | February 16, 01:42 CET

"I must have missed the season where she lived on an island, isolated, in her teens."

True, but Buffy and WW do have much in common...Both young women coming of age, coming into their power, etc. Also, I always took Buffy as being fairly isolated. She had like what; two friends and a librarian as her social circle?! LOL.

Grace | February 16, 02:00 CET

Caveat Whedonus (for he is mighty ;)

Chocaholic Wombles

Missed 'Life on Mars' cos i'd already started watching 'Balderdash and Piffle' on BBC2 which was also excellent but i'm getting it off Bittorrent (don't really see it as an issue, paid the licence fee after all).

Saje | February 16, 02:05 CET

I can see a US remake of Life On Mars happening soon. But instead of looking like The Sweeney it'll be Starsky And Hutch.

Interesting. That made me think of Joss's comments about doing a spec script on an old show. LoM is like a post-modern Sweeney spec.

zz9 | February 16, 02:29 CET

Life on Mars is very good indeed. Now what would really rock would be a Joss cameo as a 70s rock star.

OK, a girl can dream.

And ZachsMind. Whatever you're on, can I have some, pleae?

[ edited by Gill on 2006-02-16 01:31 ]

Gill | February 16, 03:30 CET

Also, I always took Buffy as being fairly isolated. She had like what; two friends and a librarian as her social circle?! LOL.

Hey! Any librarian will more than make up for a room full of friends.

Lioness | February 16, 04:12 CET

While we're on the subject of CW=Crack Whore can I just say that OMWF *always* looks to me like "Oh My What the F***?" I can't help it. I'm bad. Am I alone???????

Ronald_SF | February 16, 04:30 CET

Nope Ronald_SF!

kurya | February 16, 04:50 CET

Lioness! Right there with the librarian love :)

cronopio | February 16, 05:15 CET

Joss --

Do you want a plushie Trogdor? I made one a long time ago and it was the first piece to debut in the Weekly Fanstuff section on HR. Alas, I didn't see it in their recent Trogday thingie, but verily it rocketh. It had pipecleaner legs. That's class.

Curvaceous Wenches
Chinese Wontons
Cretinous Washrags
Calamitous Waftage
Contemptible Wolfram
Charlie Weasley

[ edited by swanjun on 2006-02-16 03:45 ]

swanjun | February 16, 05:27 CET

Clumsy Wanker
Clothes Washer
Coiled Whip
Clueless Watson
Chunky Waisted
Closeted Wallflower

ETA
Clearly Wasted
Cable Wasteland
CokedUp Wastrels

[ edited by redfern on 2006-02-16 03:34 ]

redfern | February 16, 05:31 CET

"I haven't even heard the orchestra tuning up.."

"Where's the orchestra? Wasn't this supposed to be a musical? Here I am in the balcony. How the hell could I have missed the overture? I like the scenery, even though I have absolutely no idea at all what is being said despite the dialogue. There's the leading man. The movie star who's never faced an audience. Where's the orchestra? After all, this is my big night on the town; my introduction to the theatre crowd. I assumed that the show would have a song. So I was wrong. At least I understand all the innuendo and the irony, and I appreciate the roles the actors played - the point the author made - and after the closing lines, and after the curtain calls, the curtain falls on empty chairs. Where's the orchestra?"

- Billy Joel

ZachsMind | February 22, 21:54 CET

[ edited by space_giles on 2006-05-02 12:07 ]

| April 24, 22:47 CET

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